Look at the picture I posted and tell me what you see……………….
Most people when they look at it would say that they see a black dot. The black dot is very small compared to all of the white that is on it yet o one seems to notice that. That is how it is in our lives. All of the bad things stand out and we tend to forget about all of the good things that happen. I have both hands raised up as being guilty. We have so many good times but sometimes we get lost in all of the drama that surrounds us.
Recently I started getting the Facebook memories. They are really cool but, since our daughter is no longer living with us they also bring me to tears. At the same time I will read something and it reminds me that even though we had a lot of rough roads that we had a lot of good memories too. Like yesterday I read that as our oldest son was cleaning the fish tank and was pouring water back into it our daughter hollered at him that he was going to drown the fish.
We have many many good times. Sometimes it just gets lost in all of the mud and sometimes it seems like the whole page is black but, then like reading the Facebook memories it’s really only a small dot compared to the whole page. When I started my blog I wrote mainly about my kids that seem to give us the most grief because I hope to reach out and help someone that is going through what we are going through. I don’t want to forget about all of the good times either so I will start blogging more about the rest of the crew as well. With that being said I may sound like I am up and down but, it will just be me as usual. Things are always up and down here…….lol
Waaaaaa Waaaaaa says my 11 year old. Whine whine whine……does he know anything else??? Lol I told him I was writing about him and he actually smiled. He don’t believe me. I told him for the rest of the night I am going to write about what he does so the world (ok a few readers) will read all about it…….
You need to go to your room for a little while. WHY???? Because you won’t mind. Whaaaaat???? Whyyyyyyy??? I’ll do what I’m told…I’ll do what I’m told….I’ll do what I’m told…..I’ll do what I’m told…..maybe if I answer him he will stop…..lol nope that didn’t work…… Do I have to stay there all day….do I have to stay there all day…..do I have to stay there all day…..maybe if I answer him he will stop…..Lol nope…..So finally I try to explain to him that since it is 2:31 pm in order for him to stay in his room all day then we would have to rewind time and start today all over but, I can tell you this….if you don’t go then you CAN stay in your room all day tomorrow……as I look up from the computer guess who is still here. Wow you are so smart. You are exactly right…..now he’s reading what I am writing and he said what I have to stay in my room all day tomorrow? I said yes and he said but you only said I had to if I didn’t go to my room……Uh ok so your point is??? You do realize that you are still standing here….Right????
Last year I wrote When Adoption Isn’t Forever, but now even though this is a similar title adoption doesn’t mean forever anymore to my other kids. So now what??? How do I tell them that they are mine forever when we had to disrupt an adoption.
It will be a year in April that we disrupted one of our adoptions. It wasn’t what we wanted but, we had no choice. One of our boys has settled down and is back to usually one bad day a week while our other son struggles daily again. He has other issues as well as RAD so it complicates things even more.
What is his trigger??? Anything!!!! Usually it’s very small things. Today he thought someone was eating something and immediately went into a rage. When I say rage I mean if I wrote what he said this would become a rated R blog for the language and violence. He could see that no one was eating but, he already had that thought in his head that someone was eating. So why didn’t I just get him something to eat…….well that’s another issue. I have a problem with a child DEMANDING that I feed him immediately. Maybe I’m wrong…..I keep praying and asking the Lord if I’m wrong please show me………
I have given into him when it was just a fit and it didn’t work. He just wanted me to give into him more. I’ve also tried feeding him something every 30 minutes. That didn’t work either…….I’ve thought well maybe he is hungry and needs more food so I have let him eat until he was full…..(one time at a pizza buffet he ate 22 pieces of pizza) as you can see that takes a lot of food. Then we find poop in the toy box or where ever he decides to poop. So we can’t do that.
I guess I said all of this to say……childhood trauma stinks!!! There is nothing we can say to him that will make him feel that adoption is forever. Nothing!!! So while my bruises heal and my sore body heals remember I am not alone. There are many other families going through the same thing that we are going through….. so be kind and offer support. Hint: support doesn’t mean advice unless you truly get it……….