Trust

Definition of trust

  1. 1a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few months. Do you trust your kids? Do you trust anyone anymore?

Once that trust is broken it is very hard to get it back. If you ever can get it back. Even our children that have healed I’m always watching. Always checking up on them…..

Once that trust is broken I don’t think a person can ever get it back 100%…….. so how can we expect our children to completely trust us when that trust was broken time and time again……..

I think 1o years has gone by and surely our son knows that we are going to take care of him and surely he knows he will be fed. Yet he doesn’t have that trust.

I try to remember this as he struggles. I try to remember that his behaviors are out of fear. As I do remember this I believe it is the reason that I forgive him so quickly. I believe it is the reason that I am not ready to give up on him as hard as it may get.

There is someone that we can trust that will never let us down……….trust-jesus

We can put our trust in Jesus…… He will see us through……He will give us the strength that we need……

Did God make her leave?

Mom did God make her leave?

No sweetie He didn’t make her leave.

Then why did she leave?

This is not a question that I ever thought I would be asked. It sure isn’t a question that has an easy understandable answer for a 10 year old that loved her only sister with all of her heart. When does the heartache stop? When do the tears stop flowing?  Probably never……

In our eyes it is so hard for us to understand why our daughter was so obsessed with her bio family. So obsessed that she didn’t want us any more. More than my heart breaking it hurts more than anything having to hold our youngest daughter while she cries herself to sleep because she misses her sister so much.

Why does it have to be so hard? I thought adoption was supposed to be happy….. Don’t get me wrong there are many many happy moments but with any adoption there is heartbreak. Some more heartbreak than others.

Did God make her leave? No He didn’t. We were not His first plan for her. We were His alternate plan for her because her mom failed to take care of her the way she should have. It was His plan since the first plan didn’t work for us to have her. Satan lies, cheats, tricks us and whatever else he can do to cause us to make the wrong choices in life unlike God who loves us and allows us to make our own choices. God will not force us to make the right choice. The Holy Spirit is with us to encourage us but so many times we just don’t listen. So no sweetie she made her own choice to leave us because she wanted her bio family more.

I am thankful that she was our daughter even though my heart is breaking. We were able to give her a firm foundation in God’s word. We were able to train her up in the way of the Lord and one day she will return not only to the Lord but to us……..

 

Patti

 

Here I go again

Here I go again…….I really have had good intentions of writing, but it sure has been busy around here. So I am usually busy or to tired. I am not able to get my lap top out very often and the one time I did my 12 year old tried to break it….again. Just as I thought I might have a minute to write my time just got very limited.

I have an older blog about walking on egg shells and that is how we live……EVERYDAY!!! If I make a mistake and do something wrong or out of order then our son explodes. The problem with that is I make countless mistakes and it doesn’t matter what it is. Any little thing is huge.

Thankfully it is summer and we get to sleep in on most days, but my alarm goes off at 5:15 am for my husband to go to work and he leaves at 6 am and after that my alarm is set to go off every 30 minutes to check on my son. When he moves we get up. Then most of the day is one battle after another. I definitely pick my battles and let many things go, but it is still one battle after another. Many days until bed time.

The good news is…..LOL. Every night he makes the decision that tomorrow is going to be a great day. Some days he makes it 30 minutes before he doesn’t get his way about something. Some days he don’t make it 5 minutes.

More good news is he can control it. We were going out of town and he was going to stay with a friend because of his behavior. He straightened up really fast. He barely got in trouble for anything and when he did he took his consequence like he should. So he went with us. He was great until we were on our way home and then it began again. It is great that he can control his behaviors because there was a time when he was younger that he couldn’t control it.

Now the hard part……

What do you do when you have a child that is almost 13 that says you are not his boss and he will not do what you tell him to do because he is going to do what he wants?

What to you do when the same child spits in your face?

What do you do when the same child tells you to shut up ________ _________?

What do you do when same child tells you he is going to kill you with a butcher knife?

There are more questions that I could ask, but I think you get the picture.

Ok one more…….

What do you do when a treatment center isn’t an option? We know that a treatment center will cause more damage. Ask any parent that has a child that has RAD. Then our son is even more complicated because he has other issues besides the RAD.

The answer to all of these questions is you pray. You read the Bible and you pray, and then you read your Bible and pray some more. You go to church to draw strength and you have family prayer at home and you press in.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

There are times that I send out a SOS because I need extra help right then. Without fail God always hears me cry for help. I always feel peaceful…….BUT why do I wait to send out an SOS when I’m at the end of my rope. Yes I put on my whole armor every morning and yes I pray and read the word.

Matthew 11:28-30

28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

It doesn’t say come to me when you are at your wits end when you can’t go any farther. It just says come and I will give you rest.
So for now that is my answer. I know a treatment center isn’t an option for now. I also realize as he gets bigger that it may become an option, but until then God is my refuge in this storm……
Patti

Facebook Memories

Look at the picture I posted and tell me what you see……………….

 

Most people when they look at it would say that they see a black dot. The black dot is very small compared to all of the white that is on it yet o one seems to notice that. That is how it is in our lives. All of the bad things stand out and we tend to forget about all of the good things that happen. I have both hands raised up as being guilty. We have so many good times but sometimes we get lost in all of the drama that surrounds us.

Recently I started getting the Facebook memories. They are really cool but, since our daughter is no longer living with us they also bring me to tears. At the same time I will read something and it reminds me that even though we had a lot of rough roads that we had a lot of good memories too. Like yesterday I read that as our oldest son was cleaning the fish tank and was pouring water back into it our daughter hollered at him that he was going to drown the fish.

We have many many good times. Sometimes it just gets lost in all of the mud and sometimes it seems like the whole page is black but, then like reading the Facebook memories it’s really only a small dot compared to the whole page. When I started my blog I wrote mainly about my kids that seem to give us the most grief because I hope to reach out and help someone that is going through what we are going through. I don’t want to forget about all of the good times either so I will start blogging more about the rest of the crew as well. With that being said I may sound like I am up and down but, it will just be me as usual. Things are always up and down here…….lol

Patti20160227_161859

 

 

 

 

All in a day with our 11 year old

Waaaaaa Waaaaaa says my 11 year old. Whine whine whine……does he know anything else??? Lol I told him I was writing about him and he actually smiled. He don’t believe me. I told him for the rest of the night I am going to write about what he does so the world (ok a few readers) will read all about it…….

You need to go to your room for a little while. WHY???? Because you won’t mind. Whaaaaat???? Whyyyyyyy??? I’ll do what I’m told…I’ll do what I’m told….I’ll do what I’m told…..I’ll do what I’m told…..maybe if I answer him he will stop…..lol nope that didn’t work…… Do I have to stay there all day….do I have to stay there all day…..do I have to stay there all day…..maybe if I answer him he will stop…..Lol nope…..So finally I try to explain to him that since it is 2:31 pm in order for him to stay in his room all day then we would have to rewind time and start today all over but, I can tell you this….if you don’t go then you CAN stay in your room all day tomorrow……as I look up from the computer guess who is still here. Wow you are so smart. You are exactly right…..now he’s reading what I am writing and he said what I have to stay in my room all day tomorrow? I said yes and he said but you only said I had to if I didn’t go to my room……Uh ok so your point is??? You do realize that you are still standing here….Right????

 

 

When Adoption Isn’t Forever Anymore

Last year I wrote When Adoption Isn’t Forever, but now even though this is a similar title adoption doesn’t mean forever anymore to my other kids. So now what??? How do I tell them that they are mine forever when we had to disrupt an adoption.

It will be a year in April that we disrupted one of our adoptions. It wasn’t what we wanted but, we had no choice. One of our boys has settled down and is back to usually one bad day a week while our other son struggles daily again. He has other issues as well as RAD so it complicates things even more.

What is his trigger??? Anything!!!! Usually it’s very small things. Today he thought someone was eating something and immediately went into a rage. When I say rage I mean if I wrote what he said this would become a rated R blog for the language and violence. He could see that no one was eating but, he already had that thought in his head that someone was eating. So why didn’t I just get him something to eat…….well that’s another issue. I have a problem with a child DEMANDING that I feed him immediately. Maybe I’m wrong…..I keep praying and asking the Lord if I’m wrong please show me………

I have given into him when it was just a fit and it didn’t work. He just wanted me to give into him more. I’ve also tried feeding him something every 30 minutes. That didn’t work either…….I’ve thought well maybe he is hungry and needs more food so I have let him eat until he was full…..(one time at a pizza buffet he ate 22 pieces of pizza) as you can see that takes a lot of food. Then we find poop in the toy box or where ever he decides to poop. So we can’t do that.

I guess I said all of this to say……childhood trauma stinks!!! There is nothing we can say to him that will make him feel that adoption is forever. Nothing!!! So while my bruises heal and my sore body heals remember I am not alone. There are many other families going through the same thing that we are going through….. so be kind and offer support. Hint: support doesn’t mean advice unless you truly get it……….

Patti