sharing: Love Isn’t Enough!

In my opinion it’s really sad that someone that has known you for years or in some cases all of your life will believe a child over us but it happens…….

 

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If that was my kid………

If that was my kid…… have you ever heard that or even better have you ever said it. I remember way back when if I saw a kid acting up or being disrespectful to their parents that I would say there is no way if that was my child they would act like that…….well…..

That was me. I was clueless……I was uneducated. Sure there are lots of kids that act that way because they aren’t made to mind, but then there are kids like mine that has childhood trauma that causes extreme behaviors.

Yesterday was one of those days that I was wishing for one of “those” people that thinks if they had a child for a week they would change them. Oh my goodness that made me laugh again.

The problem with that is a week wouldn’t be long enough. Most kids have that honeymoon period which can last for several weeks or longer. I don’t think our 14 year old would take that long but our 13 year old would. Also You have to consider that many of us parents that have traumatized kids (RAD more specifically) have grasped at straws on what to do so we are stricter than most people will be. Our kids would be in Heaven until they started destroying your home or your possessions or hurting your pets or kids. Then things would start changing.

At this point though Hey if you think you can change a child in a week I could really use a vacation. LOL I know you can’t change them that quick and I know you will think that I’m a horrible parent because “with you” they are so wonderful but hey a break would be worth it so just holler……lol I can pack their bags really fast…….

Patti

 

Sibling Bickering

Our 13 and 14 year olds takes their bickering to a whole new level. If it didn’t cause major rages it would be comical. LOL OK so after all is calm again it is still funny.

Last Friday all of a sudden our 14 year old throws his chair and starts screaming and using lots of adjectives that he’s not allowed to use. I get him and he continues. I can’t get him to stop long enough to even know what happened. Our 13 year old was in the kitchen and he is the one that set him off.

our 14 year old was only wanting to stop him from saying a bad word….. Yes our 13 year old was saying a bad word…….. are you ready???

I don’t normally say bad words but I will this time. He was saying bonsai…..of course he said bbbbbbbbbonsai.

Did I say they take it to a whole new level? Sometimes it’s more trivial than that. Now our 13 year old does push his buttons many times. For some reason they seem to enjoy chaos.

I have tried the “get along shirt” I started out with the verse I John 4:20 If a man say, I love God and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

The problem with the get along shirt is that one likes it because he likes to be touched. So after they folded a blanket 10 times by working together it was over…….or was it….Nope because one of the boys liked it. I’ve tried many different things. If you have things that have worked please feel free to share.

 

 Am I the only one that is exhausted?

I haven’t written on my blog in a long time. I am tired!!! It’s one rage after another from one child. Then it’s disobedience from another child. Then add that our oldest son has seizures and flashbacks from PTSD.

When will it stop? The two youngest boys have been with us for 11 years. I understand that the trauma doesn’t just go away. I really do! BUT come on. At some point in their life they have to just do the right thing. They have to make the right choices. If they treat their families or their bosses like they do us then they won’t have a family and they won’t be able to keep a job.

My faith in the Lord is strong. I know that they can heal and they have healed. They have healed a lot. I also know that God will not force them to serve Him or force them to make the right choices.

Sadly many of our oldest son’s seizures are stressed induced…….

Life sometimes is just hard. Life sometimes is harder than hard…….That is where we are.

I am so thankful that I serve the Lord and even though at times it seems like I just can’t go on any more He gives me the strength to make it another day.

I am going to attempt to start writing again. I am making no promises. lol I am writing that like I have a thousand followers just waiting to hear what I have to say.

Trust

Definition of trust

  1. 1a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few months. Do you trust your kids? Do you trust anyone anymore?

Once that trust is broken it is very hard to get it back. If you ever can get it back. Even our children that have healed I’m always watching. Always checking up on them…..

Once that trust is broken I don’t think a person can ever get it back 100%…….. so how can we expect our children to completely trust us when that trust was broken time and time again……..

I think 1o years has gone by and surely our son knows that we are going to take care of him and surely he knows he will be fed. Yet he doesn’t have that trust.

I try to remember this as he struggles. I try to remember that his behaviors are out of fear. As I do remember this I believe it is the reason that I forgive him so quickly. I believe it is the reason that I am not ready to give up on him as hard as it may get.

There is someone that we can trust that will never let us down……….trust-jesus

We can put our trust in Jesus…… He will see us through……He will give us the strength that we need……

Did God make her leave?

Mom did God make her leave?

No sweetie He didn’t make her leave.

Then why did she leave?

This is not a question that I ever thought I would be asked. It sure isn’t a question that has an easy understandable answer for a 10 year old that loved her only sister with all of her heart. When does the heartache stop? When do the tears stop flowing?  Probably never……

In our eyes it is so hard for us to understand why our daughter was so obsessed with her bio family. So obsessed that she didn’t want us any more. More than my heart breaking it hurts more than anything having to hold our youngest daughter while she cries herself to sleep because she misses her sister so much.

Why does it have to be so hard? I thought adoption was supposed to be happy….. Don’t get me wrong there are many many happy moments but with any adoption there is heartbreak. Some more heartbreak than others.

Did God make her leave? No He didn’t. We were not His first plan for her. We were His alternate plan for her because her mom failed to take care of her the way she should have. It was His plan since the first plan didn’t work for us to have her. Satan lies, cheats, tricks us and whatever else he can do to cause us to make the wrong choices in life unlike God who loves us and allows us to make our own choices. God will not force us to make the right choice. The Holy Spirit is with us to encourage us but so many times we just don’t listen. So no sweetie she made her own choice to leave us because she wanted her bio family more.

I am thankful that she was our daughter even though my heart is breaking. We were able to give her a firm foundation in God’s word. We were able to train her up in the way of the Lord and one day she will return not only to the Lord but to us……..

 

Patti

 

Here I go again

Here I go again…….I really have had good intentions of writing, but it sure has been busy around here. So I am usually busy or to tired. I am not able to get my lap top out very often and the one time I did my 12 year old tried to break it….again. Just as I thought I might have a minute to write my time just got very limited.

I have an older blog about walking on egg shells and that is how we live……EVERYDAY!!! If I make a mistake and do something wrong or out of order then our son explodes. The problem with that is I make countless mistakes and it doesn’t matter what it is. Any little thing is huge.

Thankfully it is summer and we get to sleep in on most days, but my alarm goes off at 5:15 am for my husband to go to work and he leaves at 6 am and after that my alarm is set to go off every 30 minutes to check on my son. When he moves we get up. Then most of the day is one battle after another. I definitely pick my battles and let many things go, but it is still one battle after another. Many days until bed time.

The good news is…..LOL. Every night he makes the decision that tomorrow is going to be a great day. Some days he makes it 30 minutes before he doesn’t get his way about something. Some days he don’t make it 5 minutes.

More good news is he can control it. We were going out of town and he was going to stay with a friend because of his behavior. He straightened up really fast. He barely got in trouble for anything and when he did he took his consequence like he should. So he went with us. He was great until we were on our way home and then it began again. It is great that he can control his behaviors because there was a time when he was younger that he couldn’t control it.

Now the hard part……

What do you do when you have a child that is almost 13 that says you are not his boss and he will not do what you tell him to do because he is going to do what he wants?

What to you do when the same child spits in your face?

What do you do when the same child tells you to shut up ________ _________?

What do you do when same child tells you he is going to kill you with a butcher knife?

There are more questions that I could ask, but I think you get the picture.

Ok one more…….

What do you do when a treatment center isn’t an option? We know that a treatment center will cause more damage. Ask any parent that has a child that has RAD. Then our son is even more complicated because he has other issues besides the RAD.

The answer to all of these questions is you pray. You read the Bible and you pray, and then you read your Bible and pray some more. You go to church to draw strength and you have family prayer at home and you press in.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

There are times that I send out a SOS because I need extra help right then. Without fail God always hears me cry for help. I always feel peaceful…….BUT why do I wait to send out an SOS when I’m at the end of my rope. Yes I put on my whole armor every morning and yes I pray and read the word.

Matthew 11:28-30

28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

It doesn’t say come to me when you are at your wits end when you can’t go any farther. It just says come and I will give you rest.
So for now that is my answer. I know a treatment center isn’t an option for now. I also realize as he gets bigger that it may become an option, but until then God is my refuge in this storm……
Patti