Last year I wrote When Adoption Isn’t Forever, but now even though this is a similar title adoption doesn’t mean forever anymore to my other kids. So now what??? How do I tell them that they are mine forever when we had to disrupt an adoption.
It will be a year in April that we disrupted one of our adoptions. It wasn’t what we wanted but, we had no choice. One of our boys has settled down and is back to usually one bad day a week while our other son struggles daily again. He has other issues as well as RAD so it complicates things even more.
What is his trigger??? Anything!!!! Usually it’s very small things. Today he thought someone was eating something and immediately went into a rage. When I say rage I mean if I wrote what he said this would become a rated R blog for the language and violence. He could see that no one was eating but, he already had that thought in his head that someone was eating. So why didn’t I just get him something to eat…….well that’s another issue. I have a problem with a child DEMANDING that I feed him immediately. Maybe I’m wrong…..I keep praying and asking the Lord if I’m wrong please show me………
I have given into him when it was just a fit and it didn’t work. He just wanted me to give into him more. I’ve also tried feeding him something every 30 minutes. That didn’t work either…….I’ve thought well maybe he is hungry and needs more food so I have let him eat until he was full…..(one time at a pizza buffet he ate 22 pieces of pizza) as you can see that takes a lot of food. Then we find poop in the toy box or where ever he decides to poop. So we can’t do that.
I guess I said all of this to say……childhood trauma stinks!!! There is nothing we can say to him that will make him feel that adoption is forever. Nothing!!! So while my bruises heal and my sore body heals remember I am not alone. There are many other families going through the same thing that we are going through….. so be kind and offer support. Hint: support doesn’t mean advice unless you truly get it……….