I know my last blog was disheartening to parents that that children that have RAD, so I want to give another side. Our daughter chose to disrupt her adoption. It wasn’t because she didn’t heal it was because she wanted her bio sister more. Our kids can heal!!!
Our oldest son came to live with us when he was 4 & 1/2. He is now 20…….his early childhood before the age of 3 was horrendous. His abuse was very severe. This is where RAD is so complex…….if you look at this son’s beginning….abused in the womb, born addicted to crack and heroine, fractured skull at 8 months, broken leg, arm, ribs, medical report says to many scars to count – tortured……..he was kept in a cage……his bio family was involved in witchcraft and gangs…..he wasn’t destined to survive……but he did…….
Although his abuse was so severe his RAD was only moderate and although 2 of our kids that have RAD their abuse wasn’t that severe one of them his RAD is severe…..so there is no set pattern for RAD……
Our son has had many struggles but he has HEALED from his RAD. He is amazing and he is called to preach. I want to share his ministry page so you can see that there is hope……I contribute his healing to his desire to serve God. It comes down to a choice….we teach our kids right from wrong but it is ultimately up to them to make the right choice……I am so thankful that he made the right choice and choice to serve God and answer the call…….
Please know that although I am suffering a heartbreak from one failed adoption that I have 5 other adoptions that have not failed……I had one to make it to being an adult. I have know doubt that although we still have struggles we are going to make it…………
I remember the times that I would hold my daughter in my arms after a 5 hour rage it didn’t matter that she just ripped her door off of it’s hinges or that she had screamed and cussed and broke things. I held her and I told her that I loved her and that no matter what that even if I was mad at her for what she did that I was her mom forever and when she couldn’t stand me that she was still stuck with me forever…….forever I really meant it and it never crossed my mind that some day she would no longer be my daughter…….at least legally…….
I am not the only adoptive parent that has had to go through this even tonight somewhere someone is making a heart rendering decision to have their child removed from their home in order to keep the rest of the family safe. I know I really do know that children are not pets that you just give away……and that’s not what we did……nor is it what any parent does. I loved my daughter so much……I still do and always will…….
So what makes an adoptive parent make a decision like this……..in our case our adoptive daughter’s birth mom passed away. We let her reunify with her oldest birth sister. Our daughter wanted her more than she wanted us…….she wanted her so bad that she began to rage again only this time she was much stronger than when she was younger. She became very violent and destructive. She tried to start a fire in our home. She wanted to kill us……she ran away……she threatened to kill herself……she was determined to do everything she could do in order to get out of our home……We ended up putting her in a residential treatment center where she made false allegations. After 2 investigations she told her therapist that she did it so that she would go into foster care and could go live with her sister……she also said when she came home she was going to set us up…..that was when I said she couldn’t come home…….that is when I talked to her and told her we would let her go live with her sister if that was what she really wanted. I told her that if she chose to go live with her sister that we would be here when she was ready…….
So now our daughter is in foster care and we terminated our parental rights and her sister is getting her home opened so she can take her…….
We thought when we adopted her that it would be forever no matter what, but there comes a time when we can’t force them to make the right choices. We couldn’t let her destroy the rest of our family. Losing a child like this is complicated in the way that I feel……I have cried my heart out. I have cried over the craziest things. I have held our youngest daughter while she has cried her heart out…….I still sleep with her blanket that she got her first Christmas with us……I will never get over losing her but I do have hope that one day she will be in our life again……..
Sarah if you read this one day know that I love you with all of my heart. I pray that when you go live with your birth sister that you are happy……..I will always love you……..