When Adoption Isn’t Forever

I remember the times that I would hold my daughter in my arms after a 5 hour rage it didn’t matter that she just ripped her door off of it’s hinges or that she had screamed and cussed and broke things. I held her and I told her that I loved her and that no matter what that even if I was mad at her for what she did that I was her mom forever and when she couldn’t stand me that she was still stuck with me forever…….forever I really meant it and it never crossed my mind that some day she would no longer be my daughter…….at least legally…….

I am not the only adoptive parent that has had to go through this even tonight somewhere someone is making a heart rendering decision to have their child removed from their home in order to keep the rest of the family safe. I know I really do know that children are not pets that you just give away……and that’s not what we did……nor is it what any parent does. I loved my daughter so much……I still do and always will…….

So what makes an adoptive parent make a decision like this……..in our case our adoptive daughter’s birth mom passed away. We let her reunify with her oldest birth sister. Our daughter wanted her more than she wanted us…….she wanted her so bad that she began to rage again only this time she was much stronger than when she was younger. She became very violent and destructive. She tried to start a fire in our home. She wanted to kill us……she ran away……she threatened to kill herself……she was determined to do everything she could do in order to get out of our home……We ended up putting her in a residential treatment center where she made false allegations. After 2 investigations she told her therapist that she did it so that she would go into foster care and could go live with her sister……she also said when she came home she was going to set us up…..that was when I said she couldn’t come home…….that is when I talked to her and told her we would let her go live with her sister if that was what she really wanted. I told her that if she chose to go live with her sister that we would be here when she was ready…….

So now our daughter is in foster care and we terminated our parental rights and her sister is getting her home opened so she can take her…….

We thought when we adopted her that it would be forever no matter what, but there comes a time when we can’t force them to make the right choices. We couldn’t let her destroy the rest of our family. Losing a child like this is complicated in the way that I feel……I have cried my heart out. I have cried over the craziest things. I have held our youngest daughter while she has cried her heart out…….I still sleep with her blanket that she got her first Christmas with us……I will never get over losing her but I do have hope that one day she will be in our life again……..

Sarah if you read this one day know that I love you with all of my heart. I pray that when you go live with your birth sister that you are happy……..I will always love you……..


14 thoughts on “When Adoption Isn’t Forever

  1. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    I can feel your pain in this post and really have no words to help. I won’t even attempt to offer any. I will simply say that “I wish you the best” and thank you for sharing this deeply personal post with those that read your blog. Adoption is more than just about the adoptee and I think your words highlight that fact. -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please visit their blog.

  2. Thank you OM at least I have hope for reunification later on down the road…… people don’t realize that adoption is hard for everyone involved….. the birth family, adoptee, and adoptive parents……

  3. Oh… I can’t describe how much I feel for you right now… Everything you have written… I have been there. With my own son. The one I gave birth to. The one I gave my heart and soul to. The one who decided one day he wanted to live with his father. The father who didn’t want him. The father who had mentally and emotionally abused him throughout his life. And I had to let him go – to protect my other children. I had to let him go. So thank you for this. For letting me know that someone else out there has been through this. That someone else out there actually understands. Thank you.

  4. Pingback: Weekly Blog Reviews #11 | HarsH ReaLiTy

  5. Pingback: When Adoption Isn’t Forever | banagainstcorruption

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