Tag Archive | trauma

sharing: Love Isn’t Enough!

In my opinion it’s really sad that someone that has known you for years or in some cases all of your life will believe a child over us but it happens…….

 

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If that was my kid………

If that was my kid…… have you ever heard that or even better have you ever said it. I remember way back when if I saw a kid acting up or being disrespectful to their parents that I would say there is no way if that was my child they would act like that…….well…..

That was me. I was clueless……I was uneducated. Sure there are lots of kids that act that way because they aren’t made to mind, but then there are kids like mine that has childhood trauma that causes extreme behaviors.

Yesterday was one of those days that I was wishing for one of “those” people that thinks if they had a child for a week they would change them. Oh my goodness that made me laugh again.

The problem with that is a week wouldn’t be long enough. Most kids have that honeymoon period which can last for several weeks or longer. I don’t think our 14 year old would take that long but our 13 year old would. Also You have to consider that many of us parents that have traumatized kids (RAD more specifically) have grasped at straws on what to do so we are stricter than most people will be. Our kids would be in Heaven until they started destroying your home or your possessions or hurting your pets or kids. Then things would start changing.

At this point though Hey if you think you can change a child in a week I could really use a vacation. LOL I know you can’t change them that quick and I know you will think that I’m a horrible parent because “with you” they are so wonderful but hey a break would be worth it so just holler……lol I can pack their bags really fast…….

Patti

 

Sibling Bickering

Our 13 and 14 year olds takes their bickering to a whole new level. If it didn’t cause major rages it would be comical. LOL OK so after all is calm again it is still funny.

Last Friday all of a sudden our 14 year old throws his chair and starts screaming and using lots of adjectives that he’s not allowed to use. I get him and he continues. I can’t get him to stop long enough to even know what happened. Our 13 year old was in the kitchen and he is the one that set him off.

our 14 year old was only wanting to stop him from saying a bad word….. Yes our 13 year old was saying a bad word…….. are you ready???

I don’t normally say bad words but I will this time. He was saying bonsai…..of course he said bbbbbbbbbonsai.

Did I say they take it to a whole new level? Sometimes it’s more trivial than that. Now our 13 year old does push his buttons many times. For some reason they seem to enjoy chaos.

I have tried the “get along shirt” I started out with the verse I John 4:20 If a man say, I love God and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

The problem with the get along shirt is that one likes it because he likes to be touched. So after they folded a blanket 10 times by working together it was over…….or was it….Nope because one of the boys liked it. I’ve tried many different things. If you have things that have worked please feel free to share.

 

 Am I the only one that is exhausted?

I haven’t written on my blog in a long time. I am tired!!! It’s one rage after another from one child. Then it’s disobedience from another child. Then add that our oldest son has seizures and flashbacks from PTSD.

When will it stop? The two youngest boys have been with us for 11 years. I understand that the trauma doesn’t just go away. I really do! BUT come on. At some point in their life they have to just do the right thing. They have to make the right choices. If they treat their families or their bosses like they do us then they won’t have a family and they won’t be able to keep a job.

My faith in the Lord is strong. I know that they can heal and they have healed. They have healed a lot. I also know that God will not force them to serve Him or force them to make the right choices.

Sadly many of our oldest son’s seizures are stressed induced…….

Life sometimes is just hard. Life sometimes is harder than hard…….That is where we are.

I am so thankful that I serve the Lord and even though at times it seems like I just can’t go on any more He gives me the strength to make it another day.

I am going to attempt to start writing again. I am making no promises. lol I am writing that like I have a thousand followers just waiting to hear what I have to say.

Trust

Definition of trust

  1. 1a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few months. Do you trust your kids? Do you trust anyone anymore?

Once that trust is broken it is very hard to get it back. If you ever can get it back. Even our children that have healed I’m always watching. Always checking up on them…..

Once that trust is broken I don’t think a person can ever get it back 100%…….. so how can we expect our children to completely trust us when that trust was broken time and time again……..

I think 1o years has gone by and surely our son knows that we are going to take care of him and surely he knows he will be fed. Yet he doesn’t have that trust.

I try to remember this as he struggles. I try to remember that his behaviors are out of fear. As I do remember this I believe it is the reason that I forgive him so quickly. I believe it is the reason that I am not ready to give up on him as hard as it may get.

There is someone that we can trust that will never let us down……….trust-jesus

We can put our trust in Jesus…… He will see us through……He will give us the strength that we need……

Mother’s Day! Mother’s Day? Mother’s day……….

Mother’s Day! Mother’s Day? Mother’s day …….. am I excited, am I happy or am I sad? Well that depends lol sometimes there are so many emotions that comes with Mother’s Day that it can be confusing. For 10 years I cried myself to sleep every night begging God for a child not understanding why He wouldn’t bless us with a bundle of joy. Now I know that there were many reasons for it. I’ve had some really good Mother’s Days and then some really bad ones. Today it’s kind of shaky and still a little early to know if we will make it through the day without a lot of unnecessary drama. You see I love all of my kids so very much and God blessed us with 6 beautiful kids, but they are hurting.

That hurt can come out in many different ways. I wish I could just take it all away. If only it was that easy. If I could just hold them and let them cry it out. I could do that but instead they are angry and oftentimes are violent and confused. Our daughter has healed enough that although she has regressed and is really struggling she is sorry for her actions. It doesn’t make it any easier though. I’m tired and hurting physically from our kids.

There are days that I want to quit but then I feel determination to keep going only to feel that way again during the next fit of rage. It’s a constant battle. My new favorite song is Break Every Chain by Tasha Cobbs …… our kids have chains on them of past abuse and those chains fall on our whole family at times. Those chains are going to be broken …….we are playing this song 24/7 in our home and vehicle. These chains are falling……..

 

Patti

Can you hear me now???

Can you hear me now???

I finally figured out what our son is doing……. he’s trying to get better cell phone service …..he needed more bars …..

I posted this in one of the RAD support groups last night and it is amazing at how many have walls just like ours……

We don’t even let him stay in his room when he is mad so when he does this he is in complete control……so the question is why does he do it……..

Reactive attachment disorder is so complex……we all have so many why’s……. it’s not just the holes in the walls …..it’s the doors pulled off the hinges or the shattered windows…..or peeing on the ceiling or in the vents or closets or anywhere other than the toilet…….

it’s constantly stealing food although there is no way they could still be hungry….or ripping their clothes…..oh my the cussing……

The list goes on and on….it’s hard to believe that the little angels that sit in the pews at church being perfect is destructive and can be so violent at home.

So why? Why are they like this? Past trauma they just can’t seem to get over it. They smell something….they hear something….they taste something……they see something……

Jordan was doing really good until my husband’s wreck and that along with other things really rocked his boat. I believe that he is afraid of losing me so it easier on him if he just tries to push us away……….then he don’t have to face rejection.

So what do we do as parents? Did I just ask that? Surely you don’t expect me to answer….LOL

Well as you can see by the Can you hear me yet I use humor…….I also first and foremost PRAY!!!! I pray and then I pray some more……. I keep him close to me. I try not to over react when I see a new hole or the many other things that they do. What good is that going to do? It’s going to make me have stroke or heart attack……it’s going to cause hatred to grow in my heart…..it is going to cause many more gray hairs……it’s going to cause…well I’ll let you fill in the blank.

Ok so I am busted…..I have a lot of gray hair….LOL I also get very stressed even if I don’t react…..ok so I’m not perfect….I have even not liked him. Yes like is different than love…..I have never stopped loving my kids no matter what they have done and it’s not that I have not liked them but I sure haven’t liked their behavior. I think another big thing that helps me is to not take anything personally.

Well I am out of time so all in the day with Jordan….I will say this it is 5:03 pm and he hasn’t had any major meltdowns yet…whoo hoo…….

Patti