If that was my kid…… have you ever heard that or even better have you ever said it. I remember way back when if I saw a kid acting up or being disrespectful to their parents that I would say there is no way if that was my child they would act like that…….well…..
That was me. I was clueless……I was uneducated. Sure there are lots of kids that act that way because they aren’t made to mind, but then there are kids like mine that has childhood trauma that causes extreme behaviors.
Yesterday was one of those days that I was wishing for one of “those” people that thinks if they had a child for a week they would change them. Oh my goodness that made me laugh again.
The problem with that is a week wouldn’t be long enough. Most kids have that honeymoon period which can last for several weeks or longer. I don’t think our 14 year old would take that long but our 13 year old would. Also You have to consider that many of us parents that have traumatized kids (RAD more specifically) have grasped at straws on what to do so we are stricter than most people will be. Our kids would be in Heaven until they started destroying your home or your possessions or hurting your pets or kids. Then things would start changing.
At this point though Hey if you think you can change a child in a week I could really use a vacation. LOL I know you can’t change them that quick and I know you will think that I’m a horrible parent because “with you” they are so wonderful but hey a break would be worth it so just holler……lol I can pack their bags really fast…….
School has started andI used to have a lot of anxiety when school started but that was before I started homeschooling our kids. Of course there is some anxiety that comes with homeschooling 6 kids but it’s not the same as when they were in public school. I was very blessed to have a school that took time to listen to me and learned about RAD. Not every one is that blessed. Being in the support groups that I am in I see it all the time where the teachers or the principle or any of the staff members just believe our precious little angels (angels in training). They don’t listen to the parent , they won’t read a book or other literature that the parent brings.
If I were to go to the school and tell my child’s teacher that my child was a diabetic then they would make sure that they followed the strict guidelines so that my child could stay healthy. They would probably ask questions and would want to learn more to help our child. Can they look at your child and tell that they are a diabetic? Of course not. So why are they so eager to help.
So now imagine this……I go to the school and I talk with my child’s teacher and I tell her my child is diabetic but the first day of school she has those big baby blue eyes batting at her and she wants a piece of candy and she tells the teacher that she’s not diabetic and her mom only said that because she didn’t want her to have any candy so the teacher says oh well here you go. Now what would happen to my child……that’s right my child could get sick and the longer it happened the worse my child could get. This is exactly what happens to a lot of children that have reactive attachment disorder.
The parent goes to the school to talk to the teacher. Explains to the teacher that their child has RAD and probably even left the teacher a letter explaining even more about it. All the parent can do now is pray that they will read it and believe them. BUT the child doesn’t do their homework at home because they are to busy screaming and destroying things. So the child tells their teacher I couldn’t do my homework because I didn’t have a pencil or paper or crayons and the list goes on and on and the teacher sends home notes everyday saying MUST DO HOMEWORK. I know that, but she/he won’t stop screaming. Yikes. They are so kind though and they really want your child to succeed and I believe with all of my heart that they do, but our children are just so good at what they do. After all didn’t they fool you too in the beginning? Well two of ours did and two of them just let their hair down or rather pulled it out……
If you are a teacher or you work with children it is important that you listen to your parents. It doesn’t have to be just RAD it can be other issues as well. So listen to your parents if they tell you that there child has a disorder that you are not very familiar with then educate yourself. If you are educated then you can help these children to succeed. If you don’t then you are setting them up for failure and very possibly ruining their life. Does that sound a little dramatic? Well not in the world of reactive attachment disorder.
I do want to say that while my children were manipulating their teachers especially our oldest daughter I was clueless about RAD as well as our children’s therapist and doctor. When I learned what RAD was and how to treat it then I passed it to the school and I was so blessed to have teachers that were willing to go the extra mile and get educated.
I do hope that you will share this with any one that works with children. Let’s get educated!!!!