Tag Archive | parenting

sharing: Love Isn’t Enough!

In my opinion it’s really sad that someone that has known you for years or in some cases all of your life will believe a child over us but it happens…….

 

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If that was my kid………

If that was my kid…… have you ever heard that or even better have you ever said it. I remember way back when if I saw a kid acting up or being disrespectful to their parents that I would say there is no way if that was my child they would act like that…….well…..

That was me. I was clueless……I was uneducated. Sure there are lots of kids that act that way because they aren’t made to mind, but then there are kids like mine that has childhood trauma that causes extreme behaviors.

Yesterday was one of those days that I was wishing for one of “those” people that thinks if they had a child for a week they would change them. Oh my goodness that made me laugh again.

The problem with that is a week wouldn’t be long enough. Most kids have that honeymoon period which can last for several weeks or longer. I don’t think our 14 year old would take that long but our 13 year old would. Also You have to consider that many of us parents that have traumatized kids (RAD more specifically) have grasped at straws on what to do so we are stricter than most people will be. Our kids would be in Heaven until they started destroying your home or your possessions or hurting your pets or kids. Then things would start changing.

At this point though Hey if you think you can change a child in a week I could really use a vacation. LOL I know you can’t change them that quick and I know you will think that I’m a horrible parent because “with you” they are so wonderful but hey a break would be worth it so just holler……lol I can pack their bags really fast…….

Patti

 

Sibling Bickering

Our 13 and 14 year olds takes their bickering to a whole new level. If it didn’t cause major rages it would be comical. LOL OK so after all is calm again it is still funny.

Last Friday all of a sudden our 14 year old throws his chair and starts screaming and using lots of adjectives that he’s not allowed to use. I get him and he continues. I can’t get him to stop long enough to even know what happened. Our 13 year old was in the kitchen and he is the one that set him off.

our 14 year old was only wanting to stop him from saying a bad word….. Yes our 13 year old was saying a bad word…….. are you ready???

I don’t normally say bad words but I will this time. He was saying bonsai…..of course he said bbbbbbbbbonsai.

Did I say they take it to a whole new level? Sometimes it’s more trivial than that. Now our 13 year old does push his buttons many times. For some reason they seem to enjoy chaos.

I have tried the “get along shirt” I started out with the verse I John 4:20 If a man say, I love God and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

The problem with the get along shirt is that one likes it because he likes to be touched. So after they folded a blanket 10 times by working together it was over…….or was it….Nope because one of the boys liked it. I’ve tried many different things. If you have things that have worked please feel free to share.

 

 Am I the only one that is exhausted?

I haven’t written on my blog in a long time. I am tired!!! It’s one rage after another from one child. Then it’s disobedience from another child. Then add that our oldest son has seizures and flashbacks from PTSD.

When will it stop? The two youngest boys have been with us for 11 years. I understand that the trauma doesn’t just go away. I really do! BUT come on. At some point in their life they have to just do the right thing. They have to make the right choices. If they treat their families or their bosses like they do us then they won’t have a family and they won’t be able to keep a job.

My faith in the Lord is strong. I know that they can heal and they have healed. They have healed a lot. I also know that God will not force them to serve Him or force them to make the right choices.

Sadly many of our oldest son’s seizures are stressed induced…….

Life sometimes is just hard. Life sometimes is harder than hard…….That is where we are.

I am so thankful that I serve the Lord and even though at times it seems like I just can’t go on any more He gives me the strength to make it another day.

I am going to attempt to start writing again. I am making no promises. lol I am writing that like I have a thousand followers just waiting to hear what I have to say.

Trust

Definition of trust

  1. 1a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few months. Do you trust your kids? Do you trust anyone anymore?

Once that trust is broken it is very hard to get it back. If you ever can get it back. Even our children that have healed I’m always watching. Always checking up on them…..

Once that trust is broken I don’t think a person can ever get it back 100%…….. so how can we expect our children to completely trust us when that trust was broken time and time again……..

I think 1o years has gone by and surely our son knows that we are going to take care of him and surely he knows he will be fed. Yet he doesn’t have that trust.

I try to remember this as he struggles. I try to remember that his behaviors are out of fear. As I do remember this I believe it is the reason that I forgive him so quickly. I believe it is the reason that I am not ready to give up on him as hard as it may get.

There is someone that we can trust that will never let us down……….trust-jesus

We can put our trust in Jesus…… He will see us through……He will give us the strength that we need……

I’m so vain (at least I think I must be)

I’m so vain……♫♪…♫♪♪♫.♥♫•……I must think this song is about me…..LOL ok I don’t know that song except for that part…….but reading other parent’s post that have kids with reactive attachment disorder, (RAD) I wonder what is wrong with me……. am I vain and just think that I am good or what….I read about parents struggling with thinking they are bad parents ……. that they are doing everything wrong….but I on the other hand totally put the blame on my kids. I am quick to say that it is their fault…..LOL Do I make mistakes? Of course I do, but making mistakes does not make you a bad parent. Our kids require a lot from us and we have to search and search for things that work for our kids and when we find something we use it until it stops working……..if it takes us a month or longer to find something that works IT ISN’T OUR FAULT!!! So put the blame where it goes……and where is that? What I can’t hear you…..WHERE???? That’s right…it is little Johnny or sister Sue….they make their choices to follow the rules or not…….so pat yourself on the back and know that you are a great parent!!!

Think about it what normal parent has these rules……..Don’t pee in the litter box…..Don’t pee in the vent (especially if it’s on the ceiling)…….don’t pee on the mirror…..or in the toy box………and no peeing on your school work…..ok moving away from the peeing……lol how about no pooping in the middle of you bedroom floor……….no pooping in my Tupperware containers and then putting it under your bed……..or the little tikes caboose…….or no pooping in your dresser…….Now,  I am just getting started on a few rules at my house…….as you know there are many more…….

So then there is no going to the bathroom without permission and you have to get the toilet paper from me…….(nothing like stuffing toilet paper in the drain and leaving the water on)…..you can’t get a drink without permission……..you can not leave the living room……you can’t play in your bedrooms…….you can’t open a door without permission…..you can’t shut a door without permission…….Don’t eat out of the trash…….do not touch the pets……no whispering…….no tickling…..no hide and seek……no piggy back rides….no hiding knives in your room……..ok I know that’s enough…….so again I’ll ask you…….if it seems that nothing you do works does that mean that you are a bad parent……oh my goodness no…..if you didn’t kill your child for pooping and smearing it on the wall….hey you are a great GREAT parent…….

The definition of vain is this……Having or showing an excessively high opinion of one’s appearance, abilities, or worth…..So am I vain…..LOL Yes I am…..I have told my kids I am a great parent…..and you better thank God that I am because if I wasn’t oh my goodness…..you would be missing a few teeth……and you would be moved by now……So all of you beautiful super parents out there…..hold your head high and know that you are raising kids that not many other parents would even try to raise……HAHA Join me in the Vanity Club for kids with RAD……..

 

Proverbs  29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will  give delight to your heart.

 Patti