Tag Archive | disability

sharing: Love Isn’t Enough!

In my opinion it’s really sad that someone that has known you for years or in some cases all of your life will believe a child over us but it happens…….

 

http://simplymyopinionbykathe.com/love-isnt-enough/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=socialnetwork

Advertisements

If that was my kid………

If that was my kid…… have you ever heard that or even better have you ever said it. I remember way back when if I saw a kid acting up or being disrespectful to their parents that I would say there is no way if that was my child they would act like that…….well…..

That was me. I was clueless……I was uneducated. Sure there are lots of kids that act that way because they aren’t made to mind, but then there are kids like mine that has childhood trauma that causes extreme behaviors.

Yesterday was one of those days that I was wishing for one of “those” people that thinks if they had a child for a week they would change them. Oh my goodness that made me laugh again.

The problem with that is a week wouldn’t be long enough. Most kids have that honeymoon period which can last for several weeks or longer. I don’t think our 14 year old would take that long but our 13 year old would. Also You have to consider that many of us parents that have traumatized kids (RAD more specifically) have grasped at straws on what to do so we are stricter than most people will be. Our kids would be in Heaven until they started destroying your home or your possessions or hurting your pets or kids. Then things would start changing.

At this point though Hey if you think you can change a child in a week I could really use a vacation. LOL I know you can’t change them that quick and I know you will think that I’m a horrible parent because “with you” they are so wonderful but hey a break would be worth it so just holler……lol I can pack their bags really fast…….

Patti

 

Sibling Bickering

Our 13 and 14 year olds takes their bickering to a whole new level. If it didn’t cause major rages it would be comical. LOL OK so after all is calm again it is still funny.

Last Friday all of a sudden our 14 year old throws his chair and starts screaming and using lots of adjectives that he’s not allowed to use. I get him and he continues. I can’t get him to stop long enough to even know what happened. Our 13 year old was in the kitchen and he is the one that set him off.

our 14 year old was only wanting to stop him from saying a bad word….. Yes our 13 year old was saying a bad word…….. are you ready???

I don’t normally say bad words but I will this time. He was saying bonsai…..of course he said bbbbbbbbbonsai.

Did I say they take it to a whole new level? Sometimes it’s more trivial than that. Now our 13 year old does push his buttons many times. For some reason they seem to enjoy chaos.

I have tried the “get along shirt” I started out with the verse I John 4:20 If a man say, I love God and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

The problem with the get along shirt is that one likes it because he likes to be touched. So after they folded a blanket 10 times by working together it was over…….or was it….Nope because one of the boys liked it. I’ve tried many different things. If you have things that have worked please feel free to share.

 

 Am I the only one that is exhausted?

I haven’t written on my blog in a long time. I am tired!!! It’s one rage after another from one child. Then it’s disobedience from another child. Then add that our oldest son has seizures and flashbacks from PTSD.

When will it stop? The two youngest boys have been with us for 11 years. I understand that the trauma doesn’t just go away. I really do! BUT come on. At some point in their life they have to just do the right thing. They have to make the right choices. If they treat their families or their bosses like they do us then they won’t have a family and they won’t be able to keep a job.

My faith in the Lord is strong. I know that they can heal and they have healed. They have healed a lot. I also know that God will not force them to serve Him or force them to make the right choices.

Sadly many of our oldest son’s seizures are stressed induced…….

Life sometimes is just hard. Life sometimes is harder than hard…….That is where we are.

I am so thankful that I serve the Lord and even though at times it seems like I just can’t go on any more He gives me the strength to make it another day.

I am going to attempt to start writing again. I am making no promises. lol I am writing that like I have a thousand followers just waiting to hear what I have to say.

Trust

Definition of trust

  1. 1a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few months. Do you trust your kids? Do you trust anyone anymore?

Once that trust is broken it is very hard to get it back. If you ever can get it back. Even our children that have healed I’m always watching. Always checking up on them…..

Once that trust is broken I don’t think a person can ever get it back 100%…….. so how can we expect our children to completely trust us when that trust was broken time and time again……..

I think 1o years has gone by and surely our son knows that we are going to take care of him and surely he knows he will be fed. Yet he doesn’t have that trust.

I try to remember this as he struggles. I try to remember that his behaviors are out of fear. As I do remember this I believe it is the reason that I forgive him so quickly. I believe it is the reason that I am not ready to give up on him as hard as it may get.

There is someone that we can trust that will never let us down……….trust-jesus

We can put our trust in Jesus…… He will see us through……He will give us the strength that we need……

The social life of a parent of children with RAD

Zero…..zero…..zero….yes that is usually the social life that we have. I’ve been there. Thankfully I have a little more of one now than I did even last year. It is still a struggle to do things. I am tired, stressed, hurting, and honestly it’s just easier to stay home. Last December I made up my mind that I was no longer going to let my kids hold me hostage in our home. It has been nice going to activities that the church has or going out to eat after church. How about going to Christian skate night or bowling with friends …..yes I said it with friends. YAY! Now we had friends but we never did anything it was to hard. Going out meant that we were going to be judged about how we parented. I knew some wouldn’t like it because I wouldn’t let all of my kids skate or bowl according to their behavior. See why it was just easier to stay home …… good parenting isn’t about being fair it is about giving each of our kids what they need to help them to be better. If one of my kids was a diabetic no one would say that it wasn’t fair if I let some of my kids have sugar but didn’t let one, but mental illness can’t be seen. Many don’t know that the quite sweet child sitting in the church pews wants to kill us or cusses us or the many other things they do. We are blessed with GREAT friends that understands.

A couple of weeks ago after church several families was going to Pizza Hut. We had had a really bad week with two of our kids and there was no way that I was treating them to pizza but was it fair to not let the others go? Of course not, they had missed out on it for several years because of them so I had my husband go buy some bread and peanut butter and I sat in the vehicle with two of our kids. I felt like even our friends would think I was being to hard if I took them inside and made them eat sandwiches. So I while sat in the vehicle with a child that was raging our pastor told my husband that I needed to bring them in and another friend kept insisting. So we went in. I am thankful for our pastor and our friends that support us. I pray that anyone reading this that has friends that have special needs children (it don’t just have to be children with RAD) will reach out to them. Read up on their disorder. Be more understanding and ask them to go do things. Ask them what they can do. Don’t give up on them see what you can do to help bring them out again. None of us want to just be stuck at home. We feel like we are forced to do it and most of the time it is because our friends just don’t understand. Ask me I’ll be glad to educate you and I bet your friend will too…….. Patti