Forgiving someone isn’t always easy especially if it is a one way act. I have always taught our kids to forgive their abusers. Now that Sarah’s birth mom has passed away and she has told us many things that happened she has had a lot of anger and of course has acted out. We have prayed and she told me that she forgave her mom.
Saturday night the Hinson’s came to sing at our church and their daughter wrote a song about forgiving. Our 7 yr old daughter told me to look at her and when I did she had tears streaming down her face……I had her to come closer to me and she told me that when she said that she forgave her mom that she didn’t really do it and she couldn’t because she was dead. I asked her if she would like to write her mom a letter and we would tie a balloon to it and let her release it. She said yes so she did.
Sunday after church we went out to eat and then went to the store to buy a balloon. My great niece was having a birthday party (at least we thought lol) so we bought a balloon for her too. I texted my niece and told her we were running a few minutes late but was on our way. She asked me where we were going….LOL so we were a week early better than being late….There is a point in me telling on myself ….
We got home and we all gathered around her and we prayed over her letter that first of all Sarah could forgive her mom and let go of her anger but we also prayed that the balloon would land where ever it was supposed to. I could tell she had a lot of emotions running through her mind because I could see it on her face….I asked her if she was ready…..she said she was and held up the balloon….I said ready set go….she released the balloon and it went plop…right to the ground….I told you I was telling on myself for a reason….isn’t it amazing how God takes care of the little things for us….if I hadn’t thought that my niece’s birthday party was that day we wouldn’t have bought her a balloon and then Sarah couldn’t have released her balloon…so we tied another balloon to it and she released it. She watched until it couldn’t be seen and then fell into my arms crying…
Only time will tell if she was able to let it all go……but I do know that it was a giant step in the right direction……
Forgiven by Jordan Honea the late Kenny Hinson’s granddaughter
I wrote before about how we are on a roller coaster full of twists and turns. We have just gotten on another one. This one had some pretty big loops. Our 14 yr old daughter’s adopted mother died last week. This of course wouldn’t be good any time, but just coming out of the holidays I was really concerned. I saw it on her sister’s facebook Monday a week ago and waited until I could talk to her sisters before I told her. I talked to them that night so the next day I knew what I had to do. I spent a lot of time crying and praying.
Wouldn’t you know it we get up Tuesday morning and it was the first really good day that she had had since the holidays began. So I really didn’t want to tell her. I waited until that afternoon and I took her to the bedroom with me and had her to sit by me on the bed and as I started to tell her I broke down and was crying. I didn’t want to hurt her. She’s been hurt enough and I also knew that this was a really big fear that she had that her mom would die and she would never see her again. I was also concerned that me and her mom are the same age and with her having reactive attachment disorder I don’t want her to be afraid that she is going to lose me.
I told her just a minute while I was trying to stop crying so I could tell her and she said “It’s ok if my mom died”. I had a few things that I had put up for her for when she was older. She had a baby doll that her mom wrote on it’s back I love you Sarah, Love mom. and I had a few pictures.
Our footsteps are ordered by God and sometimes we find out why certain things happen and sometimes we don’t, but at Christmas we were given a fish aquarium and the lady asked me if we would like some scrapbooking things and I said yes they will love it. Oh my goodness it was a bunch of stuff…so nice. Things I would have never spent money on. Now I know why she gave them to us. We are going to make a scrapbook for Sarah. Her sister has sent me more pictures and they are going to get more.
Sarah is doing great. I gave her the choice whether or not she wanted to see her mom to say good bye. She said that she wanted to but also wanted to see her bio sisters. So I told her sister that we wanted a private viewing with just them. Did I say God orders our steps? Sarah told me yesterday that she was afraid that it would be to much for her to see her mom and was afraid it would bring back bad memories and cause her to act out again. So I told her to make sure because she couldn’t go back and change her mind. Last night her sister called me and told me that because of the delay in making funeral arrangements that they would have to have a closed casket. Thank you Jesus that you laid it on Sarah’s heart before we had to make the decision for her. God is so good. We decided last night that we would give them this week to rest and regroup since the funeral is Friday and that next week her two sisters and her two brothers are going to come to church with us and we will go out to eat afterwards and then go to a park that we dearly love. That way they have plenty of time…….I pray that Sarah is able to handle all of this because we have tried several different times to let her have contact with one of her sisters that lived with us for a little while when she was in foster care and it always caused Sarah to act out. So we would have to stop contact and the last time we told her that was her last time until she was 18. We told her that if this doesn’t cause her to act out then she can keep in contact with them. She is really trying hard which was why she made the decision to not see her mom.
I wish that was the only loop on this roller coaster but it wasn’t. I posted on her sister’s facebook that we were praying for them and there were several people asking about Sarah so I posted a picture of her so they could see her. We are now in contact with her bio dad that she has never met and she has two more sisters. Now this is wild. She went to school with our kids and was in our son’s class 3 different years and Sarah knows her. I pray that this is the beginning of Sarah being able to have contact with her family. I will be sure to post about how the reunion goes.