Tag Archive | ADHD

Trust

Definition of trust

  1. 1a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few months. Do you trust your kids? Do you trust anyone anymore?

Once that trust is broken it is very hard to get it back. If you ever can get it back. Even our children that have healed I’m always watching. Always checking up on them…..

Once that trust is broken I don’t think a person can ever get it back 100%…….. so how can we expect our children to completely trust us when that trust was broken time and time again……..

I think 1o years has gone by and surely our son knows that we are going to take care of him and surely he knows he will be fed. Yet he doesn’t have that trust.

I try to remember this as he struggles. I try to remember that his behaviors are out of fear. As I do remember this I believe it is the reason that I forgive him so quickly. I believe it is the reason that I am not ready to give up on him as hard as it may get.

There is someone that we can trust that will never let us down……….trust-jesus

We can put our trust in Jesus…… He will see us through……He will give us the strength that we need……

Walking on egg shells

Breathe in …….breathe out……..breathe in……..breathe out……..breathe in…………………………………………………….oh yeah breathe out……….

Do you ever have those days that you are just walking on egg shells around your kids? I know that was a crazy question. It seems like many times we are doing this very thing. We have been doing it a lot more lately. It seems like it is constant. Our 14 year old daughter has really been struggling the last few months and even more the last three weeks. Since her bio mom died things just keep coming out that she went through. Every where we go there is a memory. All of a sudden some of my perfume that used to not be a problem now triggers memories.

When does it stop? When do the memories stop? I know you have the same question and no answer either except we know that with time and with the help of the Lord they will get easier to handle and they won’t hurt so bad.  A few weeks ago she decided to cut her hair again for the third time. We had all scissors put up but she had a great day so I let my guard down and let her get her own things to get ready to take her shower and she got a razor and shaved the back of her head. She began ripping her clothes completely off and cussing. Now this is a child that for two years did wonderful and had healed so much and it was so nice to say that she no longer did the things that she used to do. She loved God and instead of trying to hurt everyone she would try to take care of them. She had remorse and empathy.  So now where did my daughter go that took 6 years to see love radiating from her eyes. Where did my daughter go that loved the Lord and would go around singing worship songs to Him. Where was she???????

Who is this child that now sings rated R songs and acts like a stripper? Who is this child that looks at me with hate? Who is this child that it’s been recommended for us to put her in rtc, but I said no because I know that it will only hurt her more?

I’ll tell you who she is………she is a child of the King!!!

So that brings me back to walking on egg shells…….today is the 6th day that she has not had a major raging fit. We are doing a lot of praying! Every little bit I’m having her to apply the blood of Jesus to cover her from head to toe and asking Jesus to help her to obey and asking Jesus fill her with peace so her fear will leave.

Has this been easy? Of course not! Every time she smarts off or does things that she knows that she isn’t supposed to do I want to go off on her which is why I am taking a lot of deep breaths. LOL Have I yelled at her? Of course but I quickly tell her to pray, and she is doing it. She is making it. She knows she will still get a consequence for her actions, but she is starting to keep it together again. I am still seeing anger and frustration in her but I am not seeing the pure hate. This was just another huge bump in the road. A really big one!!! I am believing that she is back on her way up!

Patti

 

How we help our kids after losing their only safe place

My heart is heavy after last nights destruction from the tornadoes ……..they hit close to us and today we have learned that my husband’s co-worker lost his home and they can’t find the company truck. We also have friends that had connections with other ones that have lost their homes and even some that lost their lives and this brings it closer to home.

Our home is a safe place for our kids. They feel safe at home while other places they are sometimes unsure. Especially our daughter right now since she has had so many repressed memories to come out. This lead me to think about these families that lost their homes and if they already have traumatized kids and how this would affect them.

Of course when they are affected it then affects the whole family. What steps can we take in the event this happens to make it easier for our kids? What can we do when we are under tornado warnings and they have the fear that they may lose their only truly safe place?

I am sitting here thinking that maybe I need to rethink about what we grab when we go to our storm shelter……I have some important papers and things in a box when we are preparing we take that box to the shelter….of course we get other things like water, snacks, flashlights, laptop, phones…….but now I am thinking that we need to think of the kids and if they have a favorite blanket or a stuffed animal or if they have something that is important to them……maybe these things aren’t what we would think as being important but just maybe just maybe they might really help our kids……. sometimes it’s the little things that helps us get over a hurdle……..

What do you think??????

Patti

The social life of a parent of children with RAD

Zero…..zero…..zero….yes that is usually the social life that we have. I’ve been there. Thankfully I have a little more of one now than I did even last year. It is still a struggle to do things. I am tired, stressed, hurting, and honestly it’s just easier to stay home. Last December I made up my mind that I was no longer going to let my kids hold me hostage in our home. It has been nice going to activities that the church has or going out to eat after church. How about going to Christian skate night or bowling with friends …..yes I said it with friends. YAY! Now we had friends but we never did anything it was to hard. Going out meant that we were going to be judged about how we parented. I knew some wouldn’t like it because I wouldn’t let all of my kids skate or bowl according to their behavior. See why it was just easier to stay home …… good parenting isn’t about being fair it is about giving each of our kids what they need to help them to be better. If one of my kids was a diabetic no one would say that it wasn’t fair if I let some of my kids have sugar but didn’t let one, but mental illness can’t be seen. Many don’t know that the quite sweet child sitting in the church pews wants to kill us or cusses us or the many other things they do. We are blessed with GREAT friends that understands.

A couple of weeks ago after church several families was going to Pizza Hut. We had had a really bad week with two of our kids and there was no way that I was treating them to pizza but was it fair to not let the others go? Of course not, they had missed out on it for several years because of them so I had my husband go buy some bread and peanut butter and I sat in the vehicle with two of our kids. I felt like even our friends would think I was being to hard if I took them inside and made them eat sandwiches. So I while sat in the vehicle with a child that was raging our pastor told my husband that I needed to bring them in and another friend kept insisting. So we went in. I am thankful for our pastor and our friends that support us. I pray that anyone reading this that has friends that have special needs children (it don’t just have to be children with RAD) will reach out to them. Read up on their disorder. Be more understanding and ask them to go do things. Ask them what they can do. Don’t give up on them see what you can do to help bring them out again. None of us want to just be stuck at home. We feel like we are forced to do it and most of the time it is because our friends just don’t understand. Ask me I’ll be glad to educate you and I bet your friend will too…….. Patti