Tag Archive | abuse

Trust

Definition of trust

  1. 1a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few months. Do you trust your kids? Do you trust anyone anymore?

Once that trust is broken it is very hard to get it back. If you ever can get it back. Even our children that have healed I’m always watching. Always checking up on them…..

Once that trust is broken I don’t think a person can ever get it back 100%…….. so how can we expect our children to completely trust us when that trust was broken time and time again……..

I think 1o years has gone by and surely our son knows that we are going to take care of him and surely he knows he will be fed. Yet he doesn’t have that trust.

I try to remember this as he struggles. I try to remember that his behaviors are out of fear. As I do remember this I believe it is the reason that I forgive him so quickly. I believe it is the reason that I am not ready to give up on him as hard as it may get.

There is someone that we can trust that will never let us down……….trust-jesus

We can put our trust in Jesus…… He will see us through……He will give us the strength that we need……

20/20 Did their dog eat their homework???

I with several others were so excited when we were asked to do an interview with 20/20. I believe in the beginning that they were sincere. I believe that they were shocked at the things we told them about reactive attachment disorder. I truly believe they wanted to help raise awareness about this disorder. I don’t know at which point they changed their mind and took a U turn. I am saddened at the turn because there are so many families that needed their help.

We knew when we did the interview (I was a part of it but DHS took custody of our daughter that week so I was behind the scenes) that this could always happen, but we knew we had to take the chance.

There is so much that was left unsaid. There was so much that could have been shared that could have educated people. Imagine this……..You are a wonderful parent you do everything right…ok you try your hardest to do everything right but we all make mistakes…..lol….but your child is out of control and you have no ideal why. Your child rages and is violent you have no ideal where this is coming from. Your child goes to school and says I’m hungry my mom didn’t feed me….trying to get sympathy from the teacher……what??? Where is this coming from ……you see it’s easy for a therapist or psychiatrist to see a child that has been adopted and say they have RAD, but a bio child it’s not so simple. If a child is sick a lot their first year of life they can have RAD or anything traumatic their first few years of life. That’s why it was so important for 20/20 to follow through with what they told us and to educate the public.

I assure you 20/20 did their homework but I guess their dog ate their homework….. I bet their dog got sick because it was a lot of information……

This is an email that I sent to the producer……

Caila,

I am sure you already have been made aware that our segment has generated over 161,000 views. I took the liberty to scroll down and see how many views your other shows have had. This is what I found……

Starting with ours with all 3 videos it is a total of 201,072

Scientology – 22,640

Unfriended – 74,771 since Oct 9th

College seniors – 23,130 since Oct 1st

OJ Simpson – 46,494 since Sept 24th

Dr. Saves lives – 8,253 since Sept 7th

Olympian turned Vegas Escort – 22,000 Sept 11th
15,889 Sept 9th

Pope – 23,465 Sept 4th
35,486 Sept 4th

death row wedding – 40,399 Aug 21st

Even Cecil the lion that seemed to be all over the internet only had a total of 136,404 since Aug 14th

I don’t understand how if your executive producer has a child that has reactive attachment disorder that she did not make sure that there was more about this disorder. We trusted you that there would be awareness made. I have been busy in the RAD support groups trying to get people to understand that we can still use this and raise awareness on your fb page. I believe some good can still come from this. At the same time I believe you missed out on an even better show. So my question to you is…… would you consider a follow up show without the Harrisses in order to truly educate the public about this disorder. We thought that families may actually get help. Your show was very disheartening to the parents living with this. I truly believe that if the executive producer has a child that has RAD she would love to do this. If not I would like to know why y’all shifted from what it was going to be……what changed your mind. I know you even interviewed Nancy Thomas and then called her and told her that you wouldn’t be using it. You had a chance to help thousands of families and you blew that chance. I just want to know why. I think by the looks of the views on our segment you could have had more views on your show if you had of taken the time to use it to educate people.

If you are not willing to do another show would it be possible for us to get a full edited copy of our interview……..

Families need help. This is one example……

This is a friend of mine. She needs help and can’t get it. DHS has custody of her son now but they won’t let them terminate parental rights until they find an adoptive home for him. They have to pay child support for him which had caused a huge financial hardship on the family……..here is a few things he has done that led to them having to remove him from the home……

….bounced Arielle’s forehead off the edge of the coffee table, broke two of my ribs when he kicked me BC I put him on time out after he hurt Arielle, killed a pet rabbit, poisoned my coffee, poisoned my hot peppers, hoarded food, stole…from everyone, threatened to take a gun to school n kill a girl, repeatedly assaulted all the kids, kicked Kevin in the back of the knee after ligament replacement.. And the ligaments he got belonged to his dead friend, false allegations, hiding sharps in his room, rages upon rages,

Tried to drown Joe when Joe was four and he was six. Kicked ari in her only kidney knowing it would kill her

Ripped his cousins door off the hinges.

Destruction of property

Forged my name

Extortion

Threatened to stab a kid in the head at school

With a fork

Trying to blow stuff (edited) up.

Fire starting.

Messing with electrical outlets with intent of “burning this place down” at rtf

Thrown out of three schools and three fosters

Can you please tell me how your show helped my friend and many others with your show that basically said a new home because the Harrisses were so bad helped cure them………Maybe Elizabeth would consider adopting my friend’s son and cure him……..LOL if only it was that easy……

Caila it would be different if y’all were clueless but I know that y’all did your homework. I believe y’all had a great story. I don’t know why you changed it but please consider helping us…….

Thank you,

One of many hurting parents Patti

I copied the information from my friend…….

Forgiven

Forgiven

Forgiven……..wow forgiven……

Forgiving someone isn’t always easy especially if it is a one way act. I have always taught our kids to forgive their abusers. Now that Sarah’s birth mom has passed away and she has told us many things that happened she has had a lot of anger and of course has acted out. We have prayed and she told me that she forgave her mom.

Saturday night the Hinson’s came to sing at our church and their daughter wrote a song about forgiving. Our 7 yr old daughter told me to look at her and when I did she had tears streaming down her face……I had her to come closer to me and she told me that when she said that she forgave her mom that she didn’t really do it and she couldn’t because she was dead. I asked her if she would like to write her mom a letter and we would tie a balloon to it and let her release it. She said yes so she did.

Sunday after church we went out to eat and then went to the store to buy a balloon. My great niece was having a birthday party (at least we thought lol) so we bought a balloon for her too. I texted my niece and told her we were running a few minutes late but was on our way. She asked me where we were going….LOL so we were a week early better than being late….There is a point in me telling on myself ….

We got home and we all gathered around her and we prayed over her letter that first of all Sarah could forgive her mom and let go of her anger but we also prayed that the balloon would land where ever it was supposed to. I could tell she had a lot of emotions running through her mind because I could see it on her face….I asked her if she was ready…..she said she was and held up the balloon….I said ready set go….she released the balloon and it went plop…right to the ground….I told you I was telling on myself for a reason….isn’t it amazing how God takes care of the little things for us….if I hadn’t thought that my niece’s birthday party was that day we wouldn’t have bought her a balloon and then Sarah couldn’t have released her balloon…so we tied another balloon to it and she released it. She watched until it couldn’t be seen and then fell into my arms crying…

Only time will tell if she was able to let it all go……but I do know that it was a giant step in the right direction……

Patti

Forgiven by Jordan Honea the late Kenny Hinson’s granddaughter

Can you hear me now???

Can you hear me now???

I finally figured out what our son is doing……. he’s trying to get better cell phone service …..he needed more bars …..

I posted this in one of the RAD support groups last night and it is amazing at how many have walls just like ours……

We don’t even let him stay in his room when he is mad so when he does this he is in complete control……so the question is why does he do it……..

Reactive attachment disorder is so complex……we all have so many why’s……. it’s not just the holes in the walls …..it’s the doors pulled off the hinges or the shattered windows…..or peeing on the ceiling or in the vents or closets or anywhere other than the toilet…….

it’s constantly stealing food although there is no way they could still be hungry….or ripping their clothes…..oh my the cussing……

The list goes on and on….it’s hard to believe that the little angels that sit in the pews at church being perfect is destructive and can be so violent at home.

So why? Why are they like this? Past trauma they just can’t seem to get over it. They smell something….they hear something….they taste something……they see something……

Jordan was doing really good until my husband’s wreck and that along with other things really rocked his boat. I believe that he is afraid of losing me so it easier on him if he just tries to push us away……….then he don’t have to face rejection.

So what do we do as parents? Did I just ask that? Surely you don’t expect me to answer….LOL

Well as you can see by the Can you hear me yet I use humor…….I also first and foremost PRAY!!!! I pray and then I pray some more……. I keep him close to me. I try not to over react when I see a new hole or the many other things that they do. What good is that going to do? It’s going to make me have stroke or heart attack……it’s going to cause hatred to grow in my heart…..it is going to cause many more gray hairs……it’s going to cause…well I’ll let you fill in the blank.

Ok so I am busted…..I have a lot of gray hair….LOL I also get very stressed even if I don’t react…..ok so I’m not perfect….I have even not liked him. Yes like is different than love…..I have never stopped loving my kids no matter what they have done and it’s not that I have not liked them but I sure haven’t liked their behavior. I think another big thing that helps me is to not take anything personally.

Well I am out of time so all in the day with Jordan….I will say this it is 5:03 pm and he hasn’t had any major meltdowns yet…whoo hoo…….

Patti

Help at school

School has started and I used to have a lot of anxiety when school started but that was before I started homeschooling our kids. Of course there is some anxiety that comes with homeschooling 6 kids but it’s not the same as when they were in public school. I was very blessed to have a school that took time to listen to me and learned about RAD. Not every one is that blessed. Being in the support groups that I am in I see it all the time where the teachers or the principle or any of the staff members just believe our precious little angels (angels in training). They don’t listen to the parent , they won’t read a book or other literature that the parent brings.

If I were to go to the school and tell my child’s teacher that my child was a diabetic then they would make sure that they followed the strict guidelines so that my child could stay healthy. They would probably ask questions and would want to learn more to help our child. Can they look at your  child and tell that they are a diabetic? Of course not. So why are they so eager to help.

So now imagine this……I go to the school and I talk with my child’s teacher and I tell her my child is diabetic but the first day of school she has those big baby blue eyes batting at her and she wants a piece of candy and she tells the teacher that she’s not diabetic and her mom only said that because she didn’t want her to have any candy so the teacher says oh well here you go. Now what would happen to my child……that’s right my child could get sick and the longer it happened the worse my child could get. This is exactly what happens to a lot of children that have reactive attachment disorder.

The parent goes to the school to talk to the teacher.  Explains to the teacher that their child has RAD and probably even left the teacher a letter explaining even more about it. All the parent can do now is pray that they will read it and believe them. BUT the child doesn’t do their homework at home because they are to busy screaming and destroying things. So the child tells their teacher I couldn’t do my homework because I didn’t have a pencil or paper or crayons and the list goes on and on and the teacher sends home notes everyday saying MUST DO HOMEWORK. I know that, but she/he won’t stop screaming. Yikes. They are so kind though and they really want your child to succeed and I believe with all of my heart that they do, but our children are just so good at what they do. After all didn’t they fool you too in the beginning? Well two of ours did and two of them just let their hair down or rather pulled it out……

If you are a teacher or you work with children it is important that you listen to your parents. It doesn’t have to be just RAD it can be other issues as well. So listen to your parents if they tell you that there child has a disorder that you are not very familiar with then educate yourself. If you are educated then you can help these children to succeed. If you don’t then you are setting them up for failure and very possibly ruining their life. Does that sound a little dramatic? Well not in the world of reactive attachment disorder.

I do want to say that while my children were manipulating their teachers especially our oldest daughter I was clueless about RAD as well as our children’s therapist and doctor. When I learned what RAD was and how to treat it then I passed it to the school and I was so blessed to have teachers that were willing to go the extra mile and get educated.

I do hope that you will share this with any one that works with children. Let’s get educated!!!!

Patti Hearon