Tag Archive | abuse

sharing: Love Isn’t Enough!

In my opinion it’s really sad that someone that has known you for years or in some cases all of your life will believe a child over us but it happens…….

 

http://simplymyopinionbykathe.com/love-isnt-enough/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=socialnetwork

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If that was my kid………

If that was my kid…… have you ever heard that or even better have you ever said it. I remember way back when if I saw a kid acting up or being disrespectful to their parents that I would say there is no way if that was my child they would act like that…….well…..

That was me. I was clueless……I was uneducated. Sure there are lots of kids that act that way because they aren’t made to mind, but then there are kids like mine that has childhood trauma that causes extreme behaviors.

Yesterday was one of those days that I was wishing for one of “those” people that thinks if they had a child for a week they would change them. Oh my goodness that made me laugh again.

The problem with that is a week wouldn’t be long enough. Most kids have that honeymoon period which can last for several weeks or longer. I don’t think our 14 year old would take that long but our 13 year old would. Also You have to consider that many of us parents that have traumatized kids (RAD more specifically) have grasped at straws on what to do so we are stricter than most people will be. Our kids would be in Heaven until they started destroying your home or your possessions or hurting your pets or kids. Then things would start changing.

At this point though Hey if you think you can change a child in a week I could really use a vacation. LOL I know you can’t change them that quick and I know you will think that I’m a horrible parent because “with you” they are so wonderful but hey a break would be worth it so just holler……lol I can pack their bags really fast…….

Patti

 

Sibling Bickering

Our 13 and 14 year olds takes their bickering to a whole new level. If it didn’t cause major rages it would be comical. LOL OK so after all is calm again it is still funny.

Last Friday all of a sudden our 14 year old throws his chair and starts screaming and using lots of adjectives that he’s not allowed to use. I get him and he continues. I can’t get him to stop long enough to even know what happened. Our 13 year old was in the kitchen and he is the one that set him off.

our 14 year old was only wanting to stop him from saying a bad word….. Yes our 13 year old was saying a bad word…….. are you ready???

I don’t normally say bad words but I will this time. He was saying bonsai…..of course he said bbbbbbbbbonsai.

Did I say they take it to a whole new level? Sometimes it’s more trivial than that. Now our 13 year old does push his buttons many times. For some reason they seem to enjoy chaos.

I have tried the “get along shirt” I started out with the verse I John 4:20 If a man say, I love God and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

The problem with the get along shirt is that one likes it because he likes to be touched. So after they folded a blanket 10 times by working together it was over…….or was it….Nope because one of the boys liked it. I’ve tried many different things. If you have things that have worked please feel free to share.

 

 Am I the only one that is exhausted?

I haven’t written on my blog in a long time. I am tired!!! It’s one rage after another from one child. Then it’s disobedience from another child. Then add that our oldest son has seizures and flashbacks from PTSD.

When will it stop? The two youngest boys have been with us for 11 years. I understand that the trauma doesn’t just go away. I really do! BUT come on. At some point in their life they have to just do the right thing. They have to make the right choices. If they treat their families or their bosses like they do us then they won’t have a family and they won’t be able to keep a job.

My faith in the Lord is strong. I know that they can heal and they have healed. They have healed a lot. I also know that God will not force them to serve Him or force them to make the right choices.

Sadly many of our oldest son’s seizures are stressed induced…….

Life sometimes is just hard. Life sometimes is harder than hard…….That is where we are.

I am so thankful that I serve the Lord and even though at times it seems like I just can’t go on any more He gives me the strength to make it another day.

I am going to attempt to start writing again. I am making no promises. lol I am writing that like I have a thousand followers just waiting to hear what I have to say.

Trust

Definition of trust

  1. 1a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few months. Do you trust your kids? Do you trust anyone anymore?

Once that trust is broken it is very hard to get it back. If you ever can get it back. Even our children that have healed I’m always watching. Always checking up on them…..

Once that trust is broken I don’t think a person can ever get it back 100%…….. so how can we expect our children to completely trust us when that trust was broken time and time again……..

I think 1o years has gone by and surely our son knows that we are going to take care of him and surely he knows he will be fed. Yet he doesn’t have that trust.

I try to remember this as he struggles. I try to remember that his behaviors are out of fear. As I do remember this I believe it is the reason that I forgive him so quickly. I believe it is the reason that I am not ready to give up on him as hard as it may get.

There is someone that we can trust that will never let us down……….trust-jesus

We can put our trust in Jesus…… He will see us through……He will give us the strength that we need……

20/20 Did their dog eat their homework???

I with several others were so excited when we were asked to do an interview with 20/20. I believe in the beginning that they were sincere. I believe that they were shocked at the things we told them about reactive attachment disorder. I truly believe they wanted to help raise awareness about this disorder. I don’t know at which point they changed their mind and took a U turn. I am saddened at the turn because there are so many families that needed their help.

We knew when we did the interview (I was a part of it but DHS took custody of our daughter that week so I was behind the scenes) that this could always happen, but we knew we had to take the chance.

There is so much that was left unsaid. There was so much that could have been shared that could have educated people. Imagine this……..You are a wonderful parent you do everything right…ok you try your hardest to do everything right but we all make mistakes…..lol….but your child is out of control and you have no ideal why. Your child rages and is violent you have no ideal where this is coming from. Your child goes to school and says I’m hungry my mom didn’t feed me….trying to get sympathy from the teacher……what??? Where is this coming from ……you see it’s easy for a therapist or psychiatrist to see a child that has been adopted and say they have RAD, but a bio child it’s not so simple. If a child is sick a lot their first year of life they can have RAD or anything traumatic their first few years of life. That’s why it was so important for 20/20 to follow through with what they told us and to educate the public.

I assure you 20/20 did their homework but I guess their dog ate their homework….. I bet their dog got sick because it was a lot of information……

This is an email that I sent to the producer……

Caila,

I am sure you already have been made aware that our segment has generated over 161,000 views. I took the liberty to scroll down and see how many views your other shows have had. This is what I found……

Starting with ours with all 3 videos it is a total of 201,072

Scientology – 22,640

Unfriended – 74,771 since Oct 9th

College seniors – 23,130 since Oct 1st

OJ Simpson – 46,494 since Sept 24th

Dr. Saves lives – 8,253 since Sept 7th

Olympian turned Vegas Escort – 22,000 Sept 11th
15,889 Sept 9th

Pope – 23,465 Sept 4th
35,486 Sept 4th

death row wedding – 40,399 Aug 21st

Even Cecil the lion that seemed to be all over the internet only had a total of 136,404 since Aug 14th

I don’t understand how if your executive producer has a child that has reactive attachment disorder that she did not make sure that there was more about this disorder. We trusted you that there would be awareness made. I have been busy in the RAD support groups trying to get people to understand that we can still use this and raise awareness on your fb page. I believe some good can still come from this. At the same time I believe you missed out on an even better show. So my question to you is…… would you consider a follow up show without the Harrisses in order to truly educate the public about this disorder. We thought that families may actually get help. Your show was very disheartening to the parents living with this. I truly believe that if the executive producer has a child that has RAD she would love to do this. If not I would like to know why y’all shifted from what it was going to be……what changed your mind. I know you even interviewed Nancy Thomas and then called her and told her that you wouldn’t be using it. You had a chance to help thousands of families and you blew that chance. I just want to know why. I think by the looks of the views on our segment you could have had more views on your show if you had of taken the time to use it to educate people.

If you are not willing to do another show would it be possible for us to get a full edited copy of our interview……..

Families need help. This is one example……

This is a friend of mine. She needs help and can’t get it. DHS has custody of her son now but they won’t let them terminate parental rights until they find an adoptive home for him. They have to pay child support for him which had caused a huge financial hardship on the family……..here is a few things he has done that led to them having to remove him from the home……

….bounced Arielle’s forehead off the edge of the coffee table, broke two of my ribs when he kicked me BC I put him on time out after he hurt Arielle, killed a pet rabbit, poisoned my coffee, poisoned my hot peppers, hoarded food, stole…from everyone, threatened to take a gun to school n kill a girl, repeatedly assaulted all the kids, kicked Kevin in the back of the knee after ligament replacement.. And the ligaments he got belonged to his dead friend, false allegations, hiding sharps in his room, rages upon rages,

Tried to drown Joe when Joe was four and he was six. Kicked ari in her only kidney knowing it would kill her

Ripped his cousins door off the hinges.

Destruction of property

Forged my name

Extortion

Threatened to stab a kid in the head at school

With a fork

Trying to blow stuff (edited) up.

Fire starting.

Messing with electrical outlets with intent of “burning this place down” at rtf

Thrown out of three schools and three fosters

Can you please tell me how your show helped my friend and many others with your show that basically said a new home because the Harrisses were so bad helped cure them………Maybe Elizabeth would consider adopting my friend’s son and cure him……..LOL if only it was that easy……

Caila it would be different if y’all were clueless but I know that y’all did your homework. I believe y’all had a great story. I don’t know why you changed it but please consider helping us…….

Thank you,

One of many hurting parents Patti

I copied the information from my friend…….

Forgiven

Forgiven

Forgiven……..wow forgiven……

Forgiving someone isn’t always easy especially if it is a one way act. I have always taught our kids to forgive their abusers. Now that Sarah’s birth mom has passed away and she has told us many things that happened she has had a lot of anger and of course has acted out. We have prayed and she told me that she forgave her mom.

Saturday night the Hinson’s came to sing at our church and their daughter wrote a song about forgiving. Our 7 yr old daughter told me to look at her and when I did she had tears streaming down her face……I had her to come closer to me and she told me that when she said that she forgave her mom that she didn’t really do it and she couldn’t because she was dead. I asked her if she would like to write her mom a letter and we would tie a balloon to it and let her release it. She said yes so she did.

Sunday after church we went out to eat and then went to the store to buy a balloon. My great niece was having a birthday party (at least we thought lol) so we bought a balloon for her too. I texted my niece and told her we were running a few minutes late but was on our way. She asked me where we were going….LOL so we were a week early better than being late….There is a point in me telling on myself ….

We got home and we all gathered around her and we prayed over her letter that first of all Sarah could forgive her mom and let go of her anger but we also prayed that the balloon would land where ever it was supposed to. I could tell she had a lot of emotions running through her mind because I could see it on her face….I asked her if she was ready…..she said she was and held up the balloon….I said ready set go….she released the balloon and it went plop…right to the ground….I told you I was telling on myself for a reason….isn’t it amazing how God takes care of the little things for us….if I hadn’t thought that my niece’s birthday party was that day we wouldn’t have bought her a balloon and then Sarah couldn’t have released her balloon…so we tied another balloon to it and she released it. She watched until it couldn’t be seen and then fell into my arms crying…

Only time will tell if she was able to let it all go……but I do know that it was a giant step in the right direction……

Patti

Forgiven by Jordan Honea the late Kenny Hinson’s granddaughter