Facebook Memories

Look at the picture I posted and tell me what you see……………….

 

Most people when they look at it would say that they see a black dot. The black dot is very small compared to all of the white that is on it yet o one seems to notice that. That is how it is in our lives. All of the bad things stand out and we tend to forget about all of the good things that happen. I have both hands raised up as being guilty. We have so many good times but sometimes we get lost in all of the drama that surrounds us.

Recently I started getting the Facebook memories. They are really cool but, since our daughter is no longer living with us they also bring me to tears. At the same time I will read something and it reminds me that even though we had a lot of rough roads that we had a lot of good memories too. Like yesterday I read that as our oldest son was cleaning the fish tank and was pouring water back into it our daughter hollered at him that he was going to drown the fish.

We have many many good times. Sometimes it just gets lost in all of the mud and sometimes it seems like the whole page is black but, then like reading the Facebook memories it’s really only a small dot compared to the whole page. When I started my blog I wrote mainly about my kids that seem to give us the most grief because I hope to reach out and help someone that is going through what we are going through. I don’t want to forget about all of the good times either so I will start blogging more about the rest of the crew as well. With that being said I may sound like I am up and down but, it will just be me as usual. Things are always up and down here…….lol

Patti20160227_161859

 

 

 

 

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All in a day with our 11 year old

Waaaaaa Waaaaaa says my 11 year old. Whine whine whine……does he know anything else??? Lol I told him I was writing about him and he actually smiled. He don’t believe me. I told him for the rest of the night I am going to write about what he does so the world (ok a few readers) will read all about it…….

You need to go to your room for a little while. WHY???? Because you won’t mind. Whaaaaat???? Whyyyyyyy??? I’ll do what I’m told…I’ll do what I’m told….I’ll do what I’m told…..I’ll do what I’m told…..maybe if I answer him he will stop…..lol nope that didn’t work…… Do I have to stay there all day….do I have to stay there all day…..do I have to stay there all day…..maybe if I answer him he will stop…..Lol nope…..So finally I try to explain to him that since it is 2:31 pm in order for him to stay in his room all day then we would have to rewind time and start today all over but, I can tell you this….if you don’t go then you CAN stay in your room all day tomorrow……as I look up from the computer guess who is still here. Wow you are so smart. You are exactly right…..now he’s reading what I am writing and he said what I have to stay in my room all day tomorrow? I said yes and he said but you only said I had to if I didn’t go to my room……Uh ok so your point is??? You do realize that you are still standing here….Right????

 

 

When Adoption Isn’t Forever Anymore

Last year I wrote When Adoption Isn’t Forever, but now even though this is a similar title adoption doesn’t mean forever anymore to my other kids. So now what??? How do I tell them that they are mine forever when we had to disrupt an adoption.

It will be a year in April that we disrupted one of our adoptions. It wasn’t what we wanted but, we had no choice. One of our boys has settled down and is back to usually one bad day a week while our other son struggles daily again. He has other issues as well as RAD so it complicates things even more.

What is his trigger??? Anything!!!! Usually it’s very small things. Today he thought someone was eating something and immediately went into a rage. When I say rage I mean if I wrote what he said this would become a rated R blog for the language and violence. He could see that no one was eating but, he already had that thought in his head that someone was eating. So why didn’t I just get him something to eat…….well that’s another issue. I have a problem with a child DEMANDING that I feed him immediately. Maybe I’m wrong…..I keep praying and asking the Lord if I’m wrong please show me………

I have given into him when it was just a fit and it didn’t work. He just wanted me to give into him more. I’ve also tried feeding him something every 30 minutes. That didn’t work either…….I’ve thought well maybe he is hungry and needs more food so I have let him eat until he was full…..(one time at a pizza buffet he ate 22 pieces of pizza) as you can see that takes a lot of food. Then we find poop in the toy box or where ever he decides to poop. So we can’t do that.

I guess I said all of this to say……childhood trauma stinks!!! There is nothing we can say to him that will make him feel that adoption is forever. Nothing!!! So while my bruises heal and my sore body heals remember I am not alone. There are many other families going through the same thing that we are going through….. so be kind and offer support. Hint: support doesn’t mean advice unless you truly get it……….

Patti

 

 

 

 

 

Is the Foster Care System Perfect?

Source: Is the Foster Care System Perfect?

Sarabeth and I were extremely lucky with our daughter when she was our foster daughter. (The picture is her at the zoo a few months ago.) Other than the tedious waiting, everything went smoothly from the day we brought her home from the hospitalto the day we brought her to the courthouse to sign the official adoption papers, one of the happiest days of my life (even happier than the day Pixar Animation Studios wrote me a personal email).

Stupidly (and luckily for us), no friends or relatives sought her out. She had no visitations whatsoever.

But what about the people who have their foster kids taken away from them because the states deem it best to return them to their parents who had their kids taken away from them in the first place? (Whether it be for abuse, financial loss, drugs, etc.)

One thing that floors me is the states’ insistence on reunifying these broken children and babies with their (often) undeserving parents.

The state values reunification over anything else, and, often above the child’s own safety and wellbeing.

Think about it. Foster parents go through rigorous background checks, take many hours of classes and training programs, they’ve proven that they’re financially and mentally stable, yet the state insists, “We will do EVERYTHING in our power to reunify the kids with their parents if they show even just a sliver of change in their habits and behavior.”

Thus violating their own motto (at least this is our state’s): “Moves hurt kids.”

I’m not complaining about the system. Right now, I’m just questioning it. I’m questioning if the whole foster care system is even operating as smoothly as it could be. Are America’s foster children being given the fairness and safety they deserve?

Are foster parents treated fairly when they form a bond and connection with the kids given to their care, provide a safe and loving roof over their head, and then the state rips them apart at a moment’s notice?

Are social workers being treated fair? Overworked, underpaid, overwhelmed.

If you’re a foster parent or know of any, what are your thoughts about the system? Where would you like to see improvement? Or is it as good as it could be? Share your thoughts below.

This entry was posted on January 28, 2016. 2 Comments

Reblog from Daughter’s of the King

Expect a Miracle Everyday

“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

God arrested my heart one day. “He said, why do you pray with no real expectation of Me? You don’t believe I will do what you asked for? You cry and weep and pray fervently before Me, and then you forget what you’ve asked for and don’t recognize when I’ve done it.”

If there’s one thing I know how to do ladies, I know how to pray. But that alone is not good enough in God’s Kingdom. We must also know how to receive what we’ve asked for and be able to recognize when it manifests.

The truth is, some of us like to pray just to hear ourselves talk. We pray out of a sense of duty or obligation. But those are the wrong reasons. If you’re going to pray, if you’re going to communicate with a mighty God, pray with great expectations. Expect God to do what He’s promised you. Be on the look out for His promise to show up at any given moment.

Contrary to how things may look for you right now, this is your year of miracles! This is your year of manifestation! God will give you stored up treasures from your heavenly account. He will send rain where there’s been drought. He will protect you from all harm. He will provide supernaturally. He will bless you with a deeper walk with Him. Recognize it when it happens and praise Him.

If you pray everyday, you can expect Him to bless you everyday.

Prayer: Thank You Father God for your rich words to Me. I love you, Lord, and I appreciate your desire to bless me. Help me to stay in position to receive. Help me to not be moved by how things appear. Help me to not forget what I’ve prayed for, but to stay in high expectancy of you to do what you promised. Thank you in advance! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Holidays and Broken Hearts

The holidays are always hard, but this is the first Christmas that our oldest daughter isn’t legally our daughter. She will always be our daughter in our hearts.

Last night our 9 year old daughter looked at me and said she missed her sister and started crying so I held her for a while and we both cried. I assured her that one day she will be back and she asked me how I knew that. I told her faith……I believe that God will bring her back to us some day. I’m glad she knows and understands what faith is. She knows God loves her and will give her the desires of her heart……which is to have her sister back.

She went to put on her pajamas but many belonged to her sister and she wanted to throw them away. So we started throwing them away. My heart was crushed as I watched her shake her head no to her pajamas and  raise her thumb up saying they had to go.

It’s hard enough going through the hurt of losing our daughter but even harder watching as our youngest child was hurting so bad. I am so proud that even though she has been so hurt through her sister and all of her past trauma that she consistently wants to adopt when she is grown. I am thankful that we have a lot of positives mixed in with all of our heartbreaks.

Once again I know I say it a lot, but knowledge is power. Even in the last few months we have learned so much and with each thing we have learned I know that if we had of only learned it sooner then just maybe we would still have our daughter.

Patti