Holidays and Broken Hearts

The holidays are always hard, but this is the first Christmas that our oldest daughter isn’t legally our daughter. She will always be our daughter in our hearts.

Last night our 9 year old daughter looked at me and said she missed her sister and started crying so I held her for a while and we both cried. I assured her that one day she will be back and she asked me how I knew that. I told her faith……I believe that God will bring her back to us some day. I’m glad she knows and understands what faith is. She knows God loves her and will give her the desires of her heart……which is to have her sister back.

She went to put on her pajamas but many belonged to her sister and she wanted to throw them away. So we started throwing them away. My heart was crushed as I watched her shake her head no to her pajamas and  raise her thumb up saying they had to go.

It’s hard enough going through the hurt of losing our daughter but even harder watching as our youngest child was hurting so bad. I am so proud that even though she has been so hurt through her sister and all of her past trauma that she consistently wants to adopt when she is grown. I am thankful that we have a lot of positives mixed in with all of our heartbreaks.

Once again I know I say it a lot, but knowledge is power. Even in the last few months we have learned so much and with each thing we have learned I know that if we had of only learned it sooner then just maybe we would still have our daughter.






7 thoughts on “Holidays and Broken Hearts

  1. you let her throw my things away instead of giving my things back to me? i’ve asked for them over and over again.
    I have a good family now that loves me and I love them with everything in me. They are the best in the world. Miss Tracy will always be there for me and loves me and keeps me safe and everything.

    • Sarah sweetie …… if you read that again it was pajamas that you out grew and it made her think of you and that made her very sad. As for your things that your mom gave you they were in a box in the storage building. I just took them to Ms Lana and she will give them to your caseworker so she will have them tonight ……. as for other belongings you outgrew your clothes and destroyed other things. As we come across things I will put them up for you…….also I was asked about getting your things twice. In my opinion I didn’t think you needed them until you went to live with your bio sister because I know how bad they hurt you and you asked me to put them up …….I am so thankful you finally found a family that loves you. I’m sorry they only kept you 8 months and now you have to move. I’m sorry that you were with us for over 9 years but don’t feel we loved you …… I will always love you …… mom

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s