Here goes….

Ok here goes……….

I stopped writing on my blog because our daughter regressed and our world fell a part once again. The reason I started blogging was because I wanted to offer people hope. I was able to blog about how our kids were healing and doing good.

When she regressed I felt like I could no longer offer hope.

Not all adoptions works out. We do the best we can. We pour our heart and soul into our children but try as we may we cannot force them to make the right choices. I never thought I would be in the place that we are in today. I never thought we would disrupt an adoption. I thought we would go to the end. Sometimes that end is not up to us. Sometimes we just have no choice.

I know in my heart that we did all we could do. Bottom line is that our daughter wants to live with her bio sister. I don’t blame her for wanting that. I wasn’t about to give up on her though ……RIGHT……. so she forced us to. We weren’t safe whether it was physical attacks or making false investigations she knew what she wanted and pulled out all of the stops.

As of today our daughter is once again in foster care. Her bio sister will have her home opened so she can go live with her. When our daughter is ready I will be here for her but until then I have to let go. She lived with us for 9 years. I know that we taught her right and I know that the time she spent with us she learned how to pray and how to read her Bible and serve God. She also learned to have empathy and remorse. Even if all of that was thrown out the door I still know that it is there.

Tonight I have cried buckets of tears but at the same time I am relieved. No parent should have to go through this. So now it’s time for our family to start healing. God is with us and will help us.



12 thoughts on “Here goes….

  1. As an adopted mother, the best advice is give her to the Lord. Maybe, just maybe, she was only to be with you for her beginning years so that you could instill in her the love, the emotional bond, the seed to healing and so much more that she would have never gotten if she ended up some place else. God knows your heart, your motives and your family. You were obedient to what was asked of you which was to give all that you could. Now she is God’s responsibility to look after her. I cannot fathom what you are going through, but I understand what you are going through. Unless someone else is in your shoes, most will not completely comprehend the letting go. The fact that you gave all that you could and more, will some day awaken her heart to truth about real love. Give her time and allow yourself to move forward in the healing of your own family. All my prayers to you and to her.

  2. HUGS. You are still giving hope – the hope that, even though you’ve done all you can, the child will do what they are going to do – and it’s not your fault. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. And there is hope for a future relationship as long as you don’t shut that door out of pain and fear. The seeds you planted, the lessons you taught, the examples you gave – all those are still there, in her brain, sprouting, growing. That is hope. There is hope.

    • I’m am so thankful that even though you are having to move go a new family that she is still going to keep in contact with you and keep you safe. I always worry about you being in fostercare I’m glad if you need her you can call her….

  3. You let her throw away my things when I’ve been asking and asking for them. You gave me none of my things when I left.
    I have a great family now that loves me and i love them with all of my heart. miss tracy will always be there for me and keeps me safe.

    • Sweetheart if you remember when you left we almost had to call the police to take you to the hospital….. we couldn’t send you your things ….. so sorry …. I begged you to hold on just another week until they had an open bed at rtc but you wanted to go back to the hospital where you were closer to your bio sister….
      Again I love you…..

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