The social life of a parent of children with RAD

Zero…..zero…..zero….yes that is usually the social life that we have. I’ve been there. Thankfully I have a little more of one now than I did even last year. It is still a struggle to do things. I am tired, stressed, hurting, and honestly it’s just easier to stay home. Last December I made up my mind that I was no longer going to let my kids hold me hostage in our home. It has been nice going to activities that the church has or going out to eat after church. How about going to Christian skate night or bowling with friends …..yes I said it with friends. YAY! Now we had friends but we never did anything it was to hard. Going out meant that we were going to be judged about how we parented. I knew some wouldn’t like it because I wouldn’t let all of my kids skate or bowl according to their behavior. See why it was just easier to stay home …… good parenting isn’t about being fair it is about giving each of our kids what they need to help them to be better. If one of my kids was a diabetic no one would say that it wasn’t fair if I let some of my kids have sugar but didn’t let one, but mental illness can’t be seen. Many don’t know that the quite sweet child sitting in the church pews wants to kill us or cusses us or the many other things they do. We are blessed with GREAT friends that understands.

A couple of weeks ago after church several families was going to Pizza Hut. We had had a really bad week with two of our kids and there was no way that I was treating them to pizza but was it fair to not let the others go? Of course not, they had missed out on it for several years because of them so I had my husband go buy some bread and peanut butter and I sat in the vehicle with two of our kids. I felt like even our friends would think I was being to hard if I took them inside and made them eat sandwiches. So I while sat in the vehicle with a child that was raging our pastor told my husband that I needed to bring them in and another friend kept insisting. So we went in. I am thankful for our pastor and our friends that support us. I pray that anyone reading this that has friends that have special needs children (it don’t just have to be children with RAD) will reach out to them. Read up on their disorder. Be more understanding and ask them to go do things. Ask them what they can do. Don’t give up on them see what you can do to help bring them out again. None of us want to just be stuck at home. We feel like we are forced to do it and most of the time it is because our friends just don’t understand. Ask me I’ll be glad to educate you and I bet your friend will too…….. Patti

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6 thoughts on “The social life of a parent of children with RAD

  1. Get this so much! Don’t remember what it was like to be social (outside of the internet). Glad you found some support in your church community!

  2. That’s what I did at my church. I educated the leaders and friends and teachers. They were so thankful because they hadn’t really heard or understood what CAPD was and it created an open door to keep an eye out for others with disabilities and disorders so that they could be more of a support not just for me but for others too.

      • That is sad. That is one reason why I started to write a book about kids/teens in crisis. Many don’t understand what a parent goes through and how much support is needed. Whether it is in church or outside of a church, many are fearful of the unknown and try to protect their own kids from your kids. Or they many judgments on things they don’t understand. Having adopted several children, I understand a lot more of the damage caused in orphanages and attachment issues. What you are doing as you blog opens up people’s minds and educates the ignorant and those who have never heard. We have to be the advocate for our kids. Thank you for your persistence. Even if some people won’t listen, there are many more who will.

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