No empathy????

No empathy????

As parents that have children that have little to zero empathy we long to see the tears that show that they finally have some, but at the same time we don’t want them to hurt. So that makes it hard on our hearts.

Our 13 oops today is her birthday so she is now 14. She had zero empathy. She would point and laugh at people that got hurt or was in a wheelchair. She thought it was funny when someone else was upset over something.

She finally has empathy. Even though I know she is hurting it still brings a smile to my face knowing that she cares. Our pastor asked her to sing a song at church and afterwards he went on and on about her singing. The following week he passed away. A few weeks later we were at home singing and the song that she sung that morning came on and she just started crying and our youngest daughter started crying. Not only did Sarah have empathy but she held Miah. A few years ago she would have just laughed at her for crying but she took her in her arms and held her.

In some ways this picture breaks my heart, but in other ways it makes me smile. No one wants their kids to have a broken heart, but more than not wanting them to have a broken heart we as parents don’t want them to have no feelings.

I am so proud of Sarah and how far she come………



17 thoughts on “No empathy????

  1. Reblogged this on Handicap and commented:
    The problem so many handicap people have is sometimes you won’t understand what they understand and what they don’t. That can be hard for any adult to accept. When you finally understand some of what they are understanding it’s like a light bulb goes off in both of your heads. Like something I’m doing right. Even I have some trouble understanding other people’s handicap understanding level and I am handicap and I look at them in a different way and I have a difficult time understanding them and you would think I was prejudiced but it’s one of my downfalls, like I’m not handicap myself. I think everybody is that way sometimes but I really need to get on the same understanding level and not be prejudiced, especially when it’s one of my own kind. I am not trying to classify handicap people as a kind but I’m sure some of the other people understand what I mean and some may not. We need to try and look at what they are really trying to do and not at how they do it. In some respect that’s really tough. Because for some handicap people have mental issues too. Most of the time that’s where I have some trouble getting over what they are having trouble with and what their mental issues are, in fact that is where I have trouble. I don’t have any other troubles with handicaps but that, and I need to try and get over that and realize they are just a person like me I need to realize that it’s harder for them with their handicap to overcome their handicap. I need to realize they are just a person like me only they have more challenges than me and I need to respect that. And I think everybody is just like me in that respect. This is something I need to work on and I think everybody else needs to work on it too. But she’s right it’s nice when you realize that they do understand sometimes. They may not understand it all the time completely. But we do understand more than we realize. They may not be able to show it like we want them to, but we do understand. We need to realize to that God doesn’t make mistakes. God only makes master pieces.

    • Thank you for reblogging. We have adopted our kids and 4 have/had reactive attachment disorder (RAD) we are trying to raise awareness. If you would like to do some research that could help many families we therapist and doctors that are experienced with RAD ….. they are hard to find……

      • I know they’re hard to find. The doctors don’t know hardly anything about my disability either. In fact when I was born they gave me a year to live, and I am almost 30 yrs old. And I am still here, but the sad part of it is most of the doctors that know something about my disease are pediatric doctors and they won’t take me. So where does that leave me, out in the middle of nowhere. And the sad part is my doctor hasn’t researched my disability. It’s almost like he’s giving me a death sentence. So I know exactly how you feel. I will try to do more research and put it on my blog. To get the awareness out there. Your friend, Jon

  2. I responded to this but it didn’t post. That is terrible. There has to be a doctor out that that can help you. We will be praying. I am glad you are still here and glad that you are trying to make a difference. I would say you need a new doctor. Thank you so much………

  3. This had me misting up by the end! There was something familiar in it… My mother used to lament that I was incapable of empathy. I was distant, unexpressive. My prevailing mood as a kid was “vague curiosity,” and that was it. But what could I do? Our family was the epitome of dysfunction: violence and mental illness were its hallmarks.

    Nowadays I’ll tear up at just about anything! If you ever need a good tear-jerker, watch “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World.”

    Our past need not define our future; emotions can heal with time. Your girls are lucky to have you there to help with the healing process 🙂

    • Thank you. I needed that little reminder. The holidays are really hard on our kids. Lots of memories. It seems like our oldest daughter’s behavior is getting worse the closer it gets to Christmas. She’s healed so much that sometimes I forget. So I will talk to her again.

      I am so sorry you went through all of that, but I am glad you have empathy now. I know having empathy hurts at times but it is so much better to hurt than to not be able to feel ……

  4. I am extremely impressed with your writing talents as neatly as with the layout in your blog.
    Is this a paid topic or did you modify it yourself?

    Anyway stay up the nice quality writing, it is rare to peer a nice blog like this one today..

    • Oh my goodness thank you…… I feel like the Lord wants me to write a book but I am not a writer but as it was told to me in several different ways sometimes God calls you and then qualifies you so that is why I started my blog to start somewhere lol still waiting to get qualified but I’ll get there. …. thank you so much!

    • Thank you…… lol far from being famous …..I am a mom to 6 adopted children 4 of those have/had reactive attachment disorder. Trying to offer hope and support for others that are living in the trenches of RAD …..

  5. First of all, I just wanted to say what a blessing it is that you and your husband have taken on the challenge of being the parents that you are to your children. I, too, am an adoptive parent with two daughters as well. Both adopted from Romania. My youngest had a difficult time with the change at first with the banging of her head on the floor, hoarding food and other issues. As time went on she was doing well but then we had some major setbacks with not wanting to be touched, depression, no empathy and more. Her school grades went down and she couldn’t explain why she was not doing well. Her memory was getting severely impaired and we just struggled to find answers. We ended up getting some diagnosis – Central Auditory Processing Disorder and Short Term Memory Loss were a few. She also went into counseling too. But we still couldn’t seem to get her grades to improve and I was very concerned that her memory was impairing her thought processes and not being able to comprehend really important things. Even thought she was 15, she had the educational level of a 2nd grader. I ended up hearing about a place called Brain Balance which has centers all around the country. It’s not cheap either. But it is a brain therapy program that evaluates what side of the brain is deficient and what is disconnected in the brain. Once they are able to diagnose the brain issue, they then start applying games and exercises and implement your school work into the program. My girls were both homeschooled, one of them still because of these issues. The Brain Balance Center works with kids who have Autism, ADHD, cognitive disorders, sensory disorders, Behavioral issues, Asperger’s Syndrome and more. Taking a chance, I had her go through the program. I was shocked after 6 weeks. Her shyness disappeared, her self-esteem rose, her memory gain went through the roof. She was seeing things click and started to really comprehend her school work and social behaviors. Her mental state improved and the depression lifted. She allowed others to touch or hug her. She was turning into a completely different person. Her empathy issue became softened and now she loves playing with children and has cried for others. I don’t know if they can help you, but maybe you could find a center near you and given them a call and see what they say. One of the biggest things that I found out is that many adoptive parents bring their kids there just because of the attachment issues that come along with adoption, especially foreign adoption. I have enjoyed your stories because of the hope you share even in your discouragement. Our kids need us and we need to be their spokesperson so that others can be educated and brought to awareness that all these children want and need is to be accepted, loved and understood.

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